Green Roc Thoughts

@GreenRoc
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"Yes, I am autistic. No really. This is not a joke." ~me

What am I doing on Mastodon?
I speak honestly, in a world where the primary language seems to be lies. I hope for acceptance of neurodifferent minds worldwide.

What I type about?
Mostly my autism, which is cerified at level 2 social interaction.

CW Content Warning:
Contains politics, cusswords, trauma, etc

Location:
Somewhere in America (not my choice)

Profile Picture DescriptionSleeping human face wearing mask + hat
Multiple DisabilitiesAutism, biPolar, Dyspraxia, FMS+more
PronounsShe/they/idc (female at birth)
Why Do I Post Negatives?I'm a Realist. Maybe I have "Reactive Attatchment Disorder"
Green Roc Thoughts1d ago
Some people care.
This is good.
Show threadGreen Roc Thoughts1d ago

I cancelled having Medi-Cal insurance.
A $1200 spend down per month is practically no coverage on a $2000 SSDI monthly income.

Brought to you by, coverage for disabled people in America, otherwise know as, Poverty Trap.

If I get more than $2k a month, I lose housing coverage. It's a trap keeping me in poverty, but I dont have better options since lifelong conditions prevent me from working.

Green Roc Thoughts1d ago

I cancelled a medical appointment because I could not afford the copay ($200).

I totally blame Trump for this.

Green Roc Thoughts1d ago

How long can a dog bark?
Genuinely asking.

This one below me has been barking since 6am, and still barking at 4:45pm, and yesterday just about the same, until like 6pm.
It is waking us up before our day usually starts.

Green Roc Thoughts2d ago

Ok, I am proud of myself... I made a phone call!

I became fed up with slowness of the Apartment Management to make sure their doggie is ok.
I called humane society for a wellfare check.

I made a call, to help doggie thats been barking since 6am yesterday until sunset... and began to bark today since 6am, and it is still barking/whining at 1:40 pm...

I didnt wanna report barking dog.
The receptionist for humane society was nice and I let her know I have communication disorders. She was good.

Green Roc Thoughts2d ago

I find many of the people who become afraid of me, are those who maybe afraid of what they dont understand. And they want the unfamiliar thing gone, and some run away.

I am not like them. When I see/hear something new, I want to know more! I like to learn about this world.

Show threadGreen Roc Thoughts2d ago

Defending myself hasnt been very sucessful. I still get hurt and abused, locked up for days sometimes....

But I dont hate myself anymore

Green Roc Thoughts2d ago

"If you feel neglected and abused, it is very easy to neglect and abuse yourself." I'm watching a video, and yesh I used to be in that neglected and abuse myself, but that has been over 15 years ago...

I fight to defend myself, but most of the time, people witnessing my self defence often double down and abuse me some more, calling me hostile, vindictive, manipulative... when my real intent is to defend myself and not take their abuse anymore.

Green Roc Thoughts2d ago
Ignoring the threat can normalize the existence of a threat. Ignoring maybe minimizes the shame, but doesnt make the threat less threatening.
Green Roc Thoughts2d ago

I want negatives in life to go away, stop shoving itself in my face, adding more layers to the PTSD.

I believe, if we ignore the negatives, negatives continue to dig deep pits in my life.

So I talk about it, to call out the negatives, put a stop to it, to get rid of the negatives. Negatives have to be acknowledged.

Cant fix a problem without knowing what the problem is.

Most of my problems come from other people.

I cant fix other people.
45 yrs fixing myself, isnt much more I can do.