"device hoarding" struck a nerve with me, so i'm gonna call some names back

• google: do know evil
• apple: UnfairPlay
• amazon: satan applied to work in management here but was turned away due to lack of experience
• target: obviously the boycotts are because we had the wrong ceo. we have fixed that now. we are captains of industry. who had to get starbucks and pizza hut to be our roommates for totally not financial collapse reasons.
• new york times: "one of yesterday's stories included fair and balanced reporting. we regret this error."
• washington post: what do you call a hostage situation that has lasted 8 years, again?
• black rock: you can't put a price on integrity, otherwise we'd have some
• republicans: we have set aside our differences about child rape to come together under one umbrella to save our fragile egos and put women and minorities in their place
• democrats: do you happen to have a sword for me to fall on? this is what democracy looks like
• trump: "the biggest loser" gets syndicated by the white house. rave ratings from putin (his troops into the ground), the koch brothers (too bad one's still alive) and any republican willing to stand for what they believe in by kneeling in front of the poster boy for the dunning-kruger effect.
• israel: you're doing a genocide you apocalyptically evil fucks. don't be anti-semantic.
• elon musk: the world's strategic reserve of cringe. we're in no danger of running out any time soon.
• mike johnson: oh i wish i wasn't an oscar meyer WEINER
• the us military: we interrupt turning kids into skeletons by a moral quandary about if we should follow the presidents order to turn venezuelans into skeletons. hopefully this intermission doesn't last too long, we've got $80 million bombs to drop on camel farmers while "danger zone" by kenny loggins plays in our headsets.
• every person on the planet involved in delivering ads to people that don't want them: "it was just the tip your honor. that shouldn't count."

#uspolitics #enshittification #google #apple #target #trump #republicans #democrats #israel #palestine #musk #newyorktimes #washingtonpost