Bliss ☀️🐈

🧵 Boundaries 1 of 2
Set a really difficult boundary with a friend who was unintentionally trauma-dumping on me.

She was sending so many messages and screenshots (RE: divorce), it was too much!

It was hard, but protecting my own emotional capacity was necessary. To anyone else out there struggling with this, know that it's okay to prioritize your own needs and communicate them with kindness and clarity.

Relatedly, 2.5 weeks ago I had to mute someone I know IRL because after already clearly communicating my answer to something they needed help with via text and voice note, they were just being pushy.

Context: he kept ignoring my 'Nos' even moving to LinkedIn DM to ask again.

It was a reminder that you can't make people listen or respect your limits that you're left with the decision to mute or block them.

Setting boundaries isn't a one-time thing, it's a practice.

You are allowed to build walls to protect your peace.

LMK if you've had to also do something like this, thanks.

Oct 16 at 6:47pmWeb
Show threadBliss ☀️🐈Oct 16

🧵 Boundaries 2 of 2
When people ignore your communicated boundaries, the most important thing is how you respond to protect yourself.

It's not our job to teach them how to hear us. Instead of getting frustrated, I chose to simply withdraw my presence to protect my peace.

To anyone struggling with someone who just won't respect your 'stop,' know that it's okay to take that final step and remove yourself from the situation. Your peace matters!

Yesel Yoon Ph.D. has a fantastic piece on Psychology Today "Navigating Relationships: The Power of Healthy Boundaries
How to show up in your relationships without burning out."

KEY POINTS
Boundary setting is a mutually beneficial and positive strategy to maintain healthy relationships.
It's important to question the assumptions we hold about what it means to be a "good" relationship partner.
Undermining your own needs in relationships can lead to resentment, burnout, and future conflict.

Source
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/on-second-thought/202311/navigating-relationships-the-power-of-healthy-boundaries

#boundaries #opencommunication #peaceofmind

Navigating Relationships: The Power of Healthy Boundaries

Yes, you can be in a healthy relationship and not feel exhausted and burned out all of the time.

Psychology Today
Show threadBliss ☀️🐈Oct 16

Addendum/TLDR: both people are going thru divorces RN and have access to therapy, other forms of support thru work and school YET STILL don't 'realize they are using a friend to trauma dump!

If their other friends are ok with that I am definitely not i.e.I will not be guilted or shamed into being an agony aunt.

Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Gina Kemp, M.A. and Melinda Smith, M.A.of HelpGuide.org published a piece called "How to deal with a breakup: Why are they so painful?"

Coping with a Breakup or Divorce
Grieving a Relationship

When a relationship ends, healing can take time. These tips can help you grieve your loss and start to move on.

Read it here https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce

How to Deal with a Breakup or Divorce: Grieving a Relationship

A breakup or divorce can be intensely painful. These tips can help you learn how to deal with a breakup, heal, and move on from a relationship.

HelpGuide.org
Show threadTrisha Lynn 🇵🇭 🇺🇸 🇨🇦Oct 18

@Crissy I found myself in a situation like that recently where I had at one point put out a call asking for an artist to do a commission for me. (Note to self: Find that post again and edit it.)

Months later, someone contacted me using the post and asked if I was still looking for an artist. I took a look, asked their rates, and then said that maybe in the future when I had the budget for them I'd contact them, but I didn't need an artist right now.

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Show threadTrisha Lynn 🇵🇭 🇺🇸 🇨🇦Oct 18

@Crissy The person was very persistent in trying to get me to commit to hiring them because they were in dire straits. I empathized with their position, and while I *could* stretch my personal budget for art commissions, our household is one where we talk to each other about large expenditures like that. My spouse was not available to talk about financial stuff at the time, so I set a boundary saying, "Thank you, but no thank you."

Here's my dilemma about it:

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Show threadTrisha Lynn 🇵🇭 🇺🇸 🇨🇦Oct 18

@Crissy I want to support artists in a way that allows them to set a livable wage for their work. I never want to bargain about the price of their labour. I will haggle about the scope of the work to match what they are willing to do at the prices they have set. I want to support a wide range of artists, not just my friends. If there's an artist whose work I like but I can't afford right now, I will absolutely come back around to them when I do have the money to commission them.

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Show threadTrisha Lynn 🇵🇭 🇺🇸 🇨🇦Oct 18

@Crissy So I proceeded to set those boundaries. And yet, they proceeded to attempt to surmount the boundary.

And the trouble is: They're a really good artist. I *would* commission them if I found the money for it. In fact, I'd probably want to try and save up for the cost of a larger commission from them.

But their persistence was not endearing to me and it kinda makes me want to commission them less. And that is totally not fair to them.

What would you do in that kind of situation?

4/End

Show threadBliss ☀️🐈Oct 18

@trishalynn i would have not done what you did: Feel guilt or shame about asserting my boundaries.

If i don’t want or need something, just because they persist, you cannot change my mind.

It’s possible to admire someone’s work and still not purchase it, no validation or justification needed.

Tldr. So you really just say no. Walk away.