Yes, of course we’re Agile. We have Jira!

Oh no sorry, sprints are enforced at 2 week length per corporate policy.

What’s that? No sorry, teams can’t modify task fields, you’d need to ask a Jira admin, but they don’t like to change things.

Swimlanes? Oh dear no, that’s the Jira admin as well. You see it’s important we have a strictly uniform implementation of our Agile workflow across the org.

(And they don’t even hear the irony themselves…)