But I don't like the burning!

I’d be quite surprised. The USA and Aus have quite a bit of spicy influence. India for UK, Thai for aus…sure many people don’t like spicy food but most do.

I loved in UK for a bit and remember being quite surprised that fàst food, like burger king, had proper spicy food.

I swear there’s probably more Indian restaurants in the UK than there is in India. Where I suppose they are just called restaurants.
the entire spiciness of the world is concentrated along a single road in Balham

As an Indian that’s travelled throughout India and consumed cuisine from several different regions, I’m not entirely sure who told you this but some degree of spiciness is universal in the dishes. Even milder vegetarian dishes have a kick.

It may have been your colleague that told you this but it certainly isn’t one specific region.

The south Indian is where the spice is. North Indian is where the partying is.
sudo bring me dosa masala myore