EVERY COMPANY: heyyyy girl

ME: what's up

EVERY COMPANY: we've got a new feature for you!! 😀

ME: what is it

EVERY COMPANY: it's a brand new feature you're going to love it

ME: is it AI?

EVERY COMPANY: it... what? nooo...

ME: it's AI isn't it.

EVERY COMPANY: it's... not... not AI

ME: no I don't want it

EVERY COMPANY: but you haven't even tried itttt

ME: yes I have. it's horrible. i hate it.

EVERY COMPANY: but gurrrl those were the other AIs. our AI isn't like other AIs. our AI is ✨special✨

ME: no it's not it's the same shitty LLM just rebranded for whatever company

EVERY COMPANY: but that's what makes it ✨special✨

ME: oh fucking hell

EVERY COMPANY: our AI is named "Bob". bet you haven't talked to an AI named Bob yet have you? eh? eh? pretty special right?

ME: what the fuck no I do not want Bob the AI. just let me use your product without it.

EVERY COMPANY: oh no you can't do that

ME: why not?

EVERY COMPANY: because Bob AI makes everything easier.

ME: name one specific thing Bob the LLM makes easier

EVERY COMPANY: well he uh... um...

ME: ...?

EVERY COMPANY: uhhhh...

ME: ...?

EVERY COMPANY: he's your friendly helper.

ME: I don't need a friendly helper. I just want to use your product.

EVERY COMPANY: but we spent so much moneyyyyy on himmmmm you just gottaaaaaa

ME: no, I'm uninstalling Bob right now

EVERY COMPANY: oh no no no we can't let you do that

ME: I can't uninstall the AI?

EVERY COMPANY: no of course not

ME: and why not?

EVERY COMPANY: because then how would you possibly use Bob AI?

ME: I just told you I won't be using Bob the AI.

EVERY COMPANY: but how would we help you if you need help?

ME: literally any other way. call me, email me, text me, hell snail-mail me if you have to. plenty of customer service options to choose from.

EVERY COMPANY: oh we couldn't possibly do any of that

ME: and why would that be??

EVERY COMPANY: oh because we fired our customer service department. it just wasn't in the budget this year.

ME: and why not??

EVERY COMPANY: well to pay for Bob AI of course!

ME: I'm throwing your product in the trash. don't ever contact me again.