Our group declare to be trueEvening all.
"Truly madly deeply" - Savage Garden
After six weeks in the top ten, #TOTP finally deigns to play the housewives' choice.
Quite why that chap needs to play two guitars at once remains a mystery.
"Whine and grine" - Prince Buster
From the jeans commercial.
Be glad it's not the Steve Miliband. Or the spaceman one. Or that crap Genesis wannabe band.
"I get lonely" - Janet Jackson
This was number five in the weekly chart. I don't think I've heard it since 1998.
You could ask tomorrow, and I still don't think I'll have heard it since 1998.
"La primavera" - Sash!
Hard lines to the contestant on Ten to the Top this morning, who confused this song in Italian with the French-language "A common frog".
Still, it's good to see that Pan's People have a European counterpart.
"All that matters" - Louise
"Don’t care who’s wrong or right, don’t care too much for pride, the love between us is all that matters."
Louise oozes sincerity throughout this MOR softie that desperately wants to be "Torn" but is more "Crumpled".
And is this the message we really want to be throwing to our Pop Kids? Sometimes, you've got to fight for what you believe.
"All I want is you" - 911
Zoe's introduction - spinning round while she's lying on top of a grand piano, then panning to the band - was more interesting than the previous performance.
Zoe's introduction was also more interesting than this performance, of wallpaper paste set to a plinky-plonky tune and released as a CD single.
"Move on up" - Trickster (I think) (and charts)
"It's like that" - Run DMC vs Jason Nevins
I've peeked ahead at one of next week's Mystery Years. There are reasons why it's going out after the watershed, but even though it contains some of the greatest crimes against popular music, it's more interesting than this beige edition of #TOTP.
Princess Jayne Middlemiss is 11 minutes out: this episode went out on Good Friday (and may not have gone out at 7.40, because of the Good Friday Agreement).
"Let me entertain you" - Robbie Williams
More energy in the opening ten seconds than in the whole of the last episode.
Is it me, or does this sound like D-Ream's final hit "Shoot me with your love"?
"Truly madly deeply" - Savage Garden
Honestly, you wait weeks for a #TOTP spot, then two turn up at once.
"How do I live" - Leann Rimes (video)
Now six weeks in the chart, and back in the top ten sellers after dipping as low at number 17.
Radio 1 isn't playing it (they're more interested in "Failure" by Skinny, number 31 with an anvil), but it's huge on Radio 2, championed by Ken Bruce and Terry Wogan and Jimmy Young.
"La primavera" - Sash!
Vocals on the track are by Patrizia Salvatore. She became the second vocalist to put an Italian-language song into the top three, following the well-trodden footsteps of Luciano Pavarotti eight years earlier.
In other news, The ITV Chart Show are on the phone, asking for their Dull Factoids back.
"Kiss the rain" - Billie Myers
Ah, that's more like it. Something new!
Billie was a big-haired rock chick with a smokey voice, reminds me a lot of Alannah Myles and Bonnie Tyler. Perhaps it's the way she sings songs written by Desmond Child.
The biggest thing to come out of Coventry since (er) Edith in 'Allo 'Allo.
"Here's where the story ends" - Tin Tin Out featuring Shelly Nelson
"A song you can't stop singing, even if you hate it," says Jayne.
Maybe a song you can't avoid.
This song was played on my local radio station at 6.20 on Monday night.
This song was played on my local radio station at 6.20 on Tuesday night.
This song was played on my local radio station at 6.20 on Wednesday night.
I didn't listen to them on Thursday, being stuck at New Street in a snowstorm.
"Most high" - Page / Plant
The #TOTP producer had a choice: he can play this performance by hoary old rockery Jimmy Page and Robert Plant, recapturing the glory days of Whistle Test, even though it's only number 26...
...or he can play Daniel O'Donnell's number 7 hit song "Give a little love", one so resolutely uncool that even Radio 2 thinks it's far too naff.
Chris Cowey made the right call.
"Shout to the top" - Fire Island and Loletta Holloway (and chart)
"It's like that" - Run DMC vs Jason Nevins
Week four.
#TOTP continues at 9.30, with the Mystery Years.
First episode is presented by John Peel; I think one of our regulars has muted the real name of the second host so let me call him Tommy Vantsford.
"I eat cannibals" - Toto Coelo
Five young women who are also wearing binbags, like host John Peel. "I eat cannibals" sounds like a novelty song, until we see this performance.
It's a second-wave feminist performance, the Coelo gang would pass as hellraisers; they eat cannibals, and don't spit bits out afterwards.
The group's routines looked inoffensive and fun, so as to avoid offending the dads (including Bob Holness, the father of Black Coelo).
"Don't go" - Yazoo
"Can't take my eyes off of you" - Boys Town Gang
At this early date, society was still getting used to gay men.
Yazoo offer a gay man and his diva singer.
Then the Boys Town Gang do "Can't take my eyes off of you", two gay men and their diva singer.
Hope you're watching, Bono.
"18 carat love affair" - The Associates
Back! Back!! With - their other hit!!!
It's a woozy, disjointed performance, though Billy and Martha act their part as illicit lovers better than (say) Atlantic Starr.
"Machinery" - Sheena Easton
from the Industrial Zone, all grinding cogs and whirring fans, with Sheena in a silver mac.
I think she wants to be going for "sexy", but seems to be closer to "pantomime baddie".
Dan Hatton