You don't have to shave your head for hair transplants.
It is optional.
For women it's often even optional without any extra charges.
Some time ago i decided that i would, however.
I needed to know how i feel about it.

It was a scary experiment.
My hair have always been an active focal point of my gender feels.
I tried growing it long many times before transitioning, to some rather greasy and disappointing results.
I kept it long post transition, and liked how it felt right at last.
But there were only a couple of styles i could use without feeling dysphoric about the bald spot up top.
It also felt like i was hiding behind the hair.
A mandatory performance of femininity i was ill equipped for.

So what if i were to stop performing?
What if i tried something else?
Not unlike the litany of fear, i let go of it.
And the result was better than i expected.

FFS fixed my reflection.
Bottom surgery removed the ever present stress.
Hair transplants should have helped with the remaining dysphoric ambiance, and we'll see if they do...

But shaving my head?
Somehow it killed off the residual "i feel like a guy" part.
I've never felt more feminine than now.

It's like i dropped a mask i've been hiding behind for a while, fearful of what might be behind it.
And looked in the mirror.
And i was still there.

I've let go of the entire gender performance, and i was still there in the mirror.
Still a woman.
And feeling like one.
I can perform on my own terms now.
And that's the most powerful and affirming feeling of the last couple of years.