Honestly, it’s going to be awkward regardless, but it’s an important conversation to have. Just speak frankly, dont judge him, and don’t press the issue.

He doesn’t need to worry about shaving pubes, he’ll figure that out if he wants to do it, but it might be a good idea to let him know he should do it because he wants to, rather than because his partner does.

Hygiene is also not likely an issue if he’s gone this long without problems. If he doesn’t wear deodorant yet, just buy him a stick the next time you get groceries and let him know he needs it now.

Regarding porn, mention that it’s entertainment, not a guidebook. Porn is not like the real thing so don’t try to imitate things.

I’d keep things semi formal in terms of what you call things (proper names rather than slang). Keeping a sense of formality, I think at least, takes a little bit of the weirdness out of discussing things with a parent.

Plus remind that it’s all a natural thing and that they’re welcome to ask questions without judgement. Safe sex info and that is a good idea too probably.

I guess you know what your kid can handle.

Hopefully some of this is useful to you

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/It's_Perfectly_Normal this book is great. It’s part of a three book series with the other two books for younger audiences. It’s covers a lot and I read it together with my son.

If he has access to the internet, he likely knows a lot more than you are comfortable knowing that he knows. He probably talks about some stuff with friends as well.

Sit him down and have a conversation and find out if there is anything he has questions about. If you don’t know the answer, you can both look it up.

If that gets real awkward(it will) and he doesn’t want to talk(he won’t), just leave the subject open for him to revisit with you whenever he feels comfortable. Just try to get something in about safe sex, you can speak from experience about how much an unexpected teen pregnancy can really change your life.

You don’t need to talk about shaving his junk, but do talk about shaving his face.

You don’t know the male puberty experience, so all you could talk about is generalities or stereotypes and it won’t have experience behind it to carry weight. Think about a dad figure telling you about getting your period and breast, not a valuable opinion despite best intentions.

You don’t need to talk about jerking off, once again you don’t really know anything about it except for second hand(play on words?) and your mom talking to you about gooning at 12 is a pretty traumatic interaction that could prevent an important question later. Maybe talk with him about dangerous masturbation, like sticking his dick in things that dicks shouldn’t be in or autoerotic asphyxiation… But you may give him ideas, so bit of a parental minefield.

At this stage you kind of want to just open that line of dialogue and establish a degree of comfort and knowledge that he can come to you with an uncomfortable question later on. So more of a door knock conversation than a SWAT team breach and abduction.

My single mother pretty much just left it at wear a condom because being a teenage mother isn’t fun and I would be a real jackass to ruin some girl’s life. She said that in a joking manner, but I already understood what her life story was. She asked if I had questions, but school had told me plenty by the time she got the courage to talk with me. If I had the internet back then, or at least internet as good as today, I honestly don’t think “the talk” would have been needed at all. My school had decent sex Ed, so the school told me the basics but your kid’s school may not be adequate in that regard.

Maybe leave some condoms under his bathroom sink, he will be more likely to use them if they are available than having to deal with asking you to buy them.

Back when we had The Talk, I was around the same age (10-11) and, same, mum was the only one around to do it. Ske kinda’ tried to pull a workaround and not directly talk about it, instead she asked me what I didn’t know or didn’t understand about the whole deal.

By that time, biology classes had caught me up to the physical side (I knew what puberty implied, the hormonal changes, the growth spurt, the extra hair, the new urges, the new smells, etc.) and, as you’ve mentioned as well, mum and I had already discussed some of the details in random conversation (eg. she taught me to occasionally shave my armpit hair, because it tends to hold the smell of sweat over time, to select face and head washes which worked for my specific skin type - used to be as dry as a cracker, then suddenly I started oozing grease from my pores, stuff like that) and helped me manage my acne with daily face washes. But the meat (pun not intended) of it I’ve basically learnt from friends, literature and porn. However, The Talk rendered no new information. I found that her dumping the responsibility of asking questions on me kinda’ cancelled it out from the start - I didn’t even know what to ask, to be honest.

But I keep thinking back to biology classes and how easy to digest they were due to how clinically the information was presented. If I were to have The Talk with my son (I’m a dude and celibate, btw), that’s how I’d broach the subject - start from the basics, the source (the hormonal changes), then slowly branch out to the effects going from small to large (you’ll grow more hair and start being stinkier -> here’s how you don’t leave someone pregnant). And I’d always keep it open for questions, approaching any which may arise as scientifically as possible. I’d probably make a list of all elements to be covered and try to go through it. And I wouldn’t be afraid of not having an answer, it can always turn into a research session for both of us! Heck, working through the research together may be even more effective, it’d be clear to see that this is a well-known and well-documented change in a human’s life.

Thing is, this’ll most likely start out being awkward for both of you, because it’s awkward for pretty much everyone. But I genuinely think presenting these things ‘scientifically,’ objectively, goes a long way in underlining the fact that absolutely everyone goes through them, nothing’s shameful about it, gonna be weird for a while, but it’s also manageable if they have the info at their disposal.

Don’t be afraid to speak openly with him and keep in mind that this is not a “one-and-done” conversation. We’ve had to revisit a few topics from time to time. Also make it clear that he can come to you with questions and you’ll answer him honestly and without judgement.

Anatomy, as it pertains to sex and sexual health is something that every person needs to be informed about. He’s probably going to be embarrassed no matter what you say so you’re better off just telling him the truth and not skirting around issues or relying on innuendo that he won’t fully understand anyway.

You might think you’re late but I promise you’re doing good by even just having these conversations with your son. It’s astonishing how many parents have basically no discussion of any kind with their kids about sex.

When she was younger, I made my 17 year old put condoms on a banana a time or two. She probably thought it was stupid but the point of the exercise was more, “this is how it works. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are wrong. Do not listen to them. Your health and well being may literally depend on it.”

Teenagers are heavily influenced by peer pressure and have poor judgement. Half the goal as a parent is to keep them from “Wile E. Coyote(ing)” themselves, which they’re gonna do anyways. We all do. But when it really, really matters, hopefully your son will remember the advice you gave him and take appropriate steps to protect himself.

Edit: My dad, who was a medical professional, sat me down with a copy of Gray’s Anatomy, as in the medical textbook, and explained male and female biology in extensive detail. For anything else he got wrong when teaching us about sex and sexuality – and he got plenty wrong – he got that part right. I didn’t appreciate it as much then but today I’m grateful for his bluntness. My wife and I have never used codewords or inuendo to describe anatomical features or bodily functions with our kids as we don’t believe that serves any purpose other than making the human body seem “taboo” which we feel is ridiculous.