*** Online shopping in 2010 ***

Me: Hello, UnderpantsEmporium.com? I’d like to buy underpants.

Underpants Emporium: Certainly, sir. Your underpants will arrive on Monday.

Me: Thanks.

*** Online shopping in 2025 ***

Me: Hello, UnderpantsEmporium.com? I’d like to buy underpants.

*ding* ShipPirate.biz: Your package is getting shipped!

Me: Wait, who are yo…

*phone vibrates* SMS from 21525: ORDER UPDATE: package is on the move.

*ding* UPS MyChoice: Your package is on the way.

*ding* Underpants Emporium: Your pants-ckage is en route from us to you.

Me: dudes…

*ding* Underpants Emporium: Be sure to review your underpants!

*ding* UPS MyChoice: Your package is out for delivery. Follow it on a live map.

*phone vibrates* SMS from 21525: ORDER UPDATE: package is out for delivery.

*phone vibrates* SMS from +252 3983929301: There was a problem with your shipment. Please claim your package at che4p-pi1lz.virus-basket.biz.ru.

*ding* Underpants Emporium: how’s that review coming along?

*phone vibrates* SMS from 21525: ORDER UPDATE: the eagle has landed.

*ding* Underpants Emporium: customers who bought underpants also bought

@lcamtuf
I buy less and less and less the more I am exposed to such things.

If the corporations made shopping pleasant, they might just make more money.

@meadow Nothing will make me hit unsubscribe faster than a company trying to sell me more of the item I just bought. No, I do not need a new wastebasket every three days!

@lcamtuf

@willaful @meadow @lcamtuf Our records indicate you recently purchased a new fridge. Here are some personalised fridge recommendations we think you'll love!
@Salty @willaful @meadow @lcamtuf just how many toilet seats do they think I get through in a given month?