lcamtuf   Jul 11

*** Online shopping in 2010 ***

Me: Hello, UnderpantsEmporium.com? I’d like to buy underpants.

Underpants Emporium: Certainly, sir. Your underpants will arrive on Monday.

Me: Thanks.

*** Online shopping in 2025 ***

Me: Hello, UnderpantsEmporium.com? I’d like to buy underpants.

*ding* ShipPirate.biz: Your package is getting shipped!

Me: Wait, who are yo…

*phone vibrates* SMS from 21525: ORDER UPDATE: package is on the move.

*ding* UPS MyChoice: Your package is on the way.

*ding* Underpants Emporium: Your pants-ckage is en route from us to you.

Me: dudes…

*ding* Underpants Emporium: Be sure to review your underpants!

*ding* UPS MyChoice: Your package is out for delivery. Follow it on a live map.

*phone vibrates* SMS from 21525: ORDER UPDATE: package is out for delivery.

*phone vibrates* SMS from +252 3983929301: There was a problem with your shipment. Please claim your package at che4p-pi1lz.virus-basket.biz.ru.

*ding* Underpants Emporium: how’s that review coming along?

*phone vibrates* SMS from 21525: ORDER UPDATE: the eagle has landed.

*ding* Underpants Emporium: customers who bought underpants also bought

Show threadNazo

@lcamtuf You know, this is all so accurate it's almost scary, but... I just really want to focus on one thing for a second: why the heck are they so determined for us to review a thing we haven't even opened yet??

I don't even open most stuff for three days right now, so those "reminders" really drive me batty.

Jul 12 at 12:39amWeb
Show threadSnoopJJul 12

@nazokiyoubinbou @lcamtuf probably juices their sales or makes them believe in same

no corp is entitled to reviews and the emails are just harrassment tbh

Show threadNazoJul 12

@SnoopJ @lcamtuf Oh I have no doubt that they at least think it helps sales (though I don't see how negative reviews help...)

But why can't they even give me time to actually get it first? The first "remember to review your order" message often comes before you get it... And the second reminder is usually on day one. Some things take a while to evaluate. Like even if it's food and you actually eat it, you can't eat it all on day one!

Show threadSnoopJJul 12
@nazokiyoubinbou @lcamtuf you might rate it negatively if you wait until you've gotten it, but if you review while waiting for it, surely the anticipation will nudge it a bit higher on average.
Show threadNazoJul 12

@SnoopJ @lcamtuf I seriously doubt that...

Heck, there are actual reviews for products often that say "it never arrived" or something and they always give them the lowest possible rating. This is stupid and I wish they wouldn't do that. And it sure doesn't help the company's sales...

Show threadD2Jul 12
@SnoopJ @nazokiyoubinbou @lcamtuf ok, but … *how*?! How does one ‘review while waiting’? More deeply, what plan is rattling about in the squirrel-cage brain of some boss for how this would / could ever be a thing?! ‘The expert’ comes to mind. “But… Seven lines can’t be mutually-perpendicular”. https://youtu.be/BKorP55Aqvg?feature=shared
The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

YouTube
Show threadSebastian "spaetz" SpaethJul 13
@nazokiyoubinbou @lcamtuf ohh, don't you love all those Amazon reviews, giving 5 stars and stating: 'Looks good, I haven't unwrapped the package yet' or ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 'was a present for a friend, so I have never used product X'.