Earth: we're going into the sixth mass extinction, but first here's some fascism to go with your climate catastrophe

World Powers: women aren't having enough babies, we must panic and force them to

Women: get the fuck outta my womb you absolute stains on humanity

World Power: did you hear something

World Power #2: no I did not

Earth: ***explodes in a cascade of earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, wildfires, floods, hurricanes, polar vortices, heat domes, atmospheric rivers, monsoons, and bomb cyclones***

World Powers: this is fine.

Women: see? why would we have kids??? the fuck is wrong with you

Earth: all you fuckers, get off me ***9.1 quake in subduction zone***

Mars: ew, look, Earth has fleas

Earth: they're not fleas!

Venus: those aren't fleas, those are lice. I had 'em once.

Earth: they're not lice!

Mars: EWWWW LICE???? wait, can lice jump between planets? is Earth shaking off lice and flinging them to me??? oh god ewwww get them off

Venus: EWWWWW IT'S LICE

Earth: STOP SAYING LICE!!!!!!