morganthJun 11

I went to a talk lately that was mostly about something else, but the speaker came out with:

“If you only remember one thing from this talk, remember this. Everyone in this room who likes helping people, raise your hand.”

Every hand, or nearly every hand, went up.

“If you like asking other people for help, keep your hand up.”

Almost every hand went back down.

“As you can see, people like helping you. When you ask for help, you’re making them feel good, even if you don’t like asking.”

I’ve genuinely forgotten the rest of the presentation but I won’t forget that.

Show threadLyksoJun 11

@morganth TBH, I tend to think that people *don't* really like being asked for help, but they like to think otherwise of themselves.

I'd like to think I'm wrong, but this does seem to fit with my experiences. 🙃

Show threadearbs 💖💛💙Jun 12
@lykso @morganth personally it depends whether I feel like the asker values my time and effort.
If I can teach/empower them, if they've put in the effort, if they ask good questions or have a good problem description, or if they're in need and appreciative, excellent. If it feels like they're asking me to do their homework or housework for them, or they get me started then fire up candy crush, maybe I've got better things to do.
Show threadEmmy, GendermancerJun 15

@rileywd @lykso @morganth maybe y'all are just negative, judgemental people. I would love some help with my housework. I've lived in my place for a year, and it's never been completely clean. For a few months, I got close many times, but I've been too depressed to ever get there.

And sometimes I did play videogames or watch TV instead of doing chores. You know why? Because doing chores while I feel suicidal doesn't help push those thoughts away. You know what does? A good distraction like video games.

I love to help people. Especially when I feel bad. That's another part of the reason I haven't cleaned my own place completely. I've helped friends move. I've helped friends through hard emotional times. I've helped people that "don't deserve" it, like my abusive ex, because she's genuinely flailing out here.

Meanwhile, I can't bring myself to ask for help because people say stuff like this pretty frequently in person, and I would rather stew in my depressive mess indefinitely than give people a "reason" for spreading their negative, frankly ableist, nonsense.

Show threadearbs 💖💛💙
@sillyCoelophysis @lykso I'm sorry to hear about that but I said "or if they're in need" for a reason, I did *not* say that people who take downtime don't deserve help, and good fucking god it is not ableist to say that I don't enjoy helping people who aren't appreciative.
Jun 15 at 8:28pmWeb
Show threadEmmy, GendermancerJun 15
@rileywd @lykso you could be right. I don't know you, so I certainly don't know what experiences you've had.