morganthJun 11, 2025

I went to a talk lately that was mostly about something else, but the speaker came out with:

“If you only remember one thing from this talk, remember this. Everyone in this room who likes helping people, raise your hand.”

Every hand, or nearly every hand, went up.

“If you like asking other people for help, keep your hand up.”

Almost every hand went back down.

“As you can see, people like helping you. When you ask for help, you’re making them feel good, even if you don’t like asking.”

I’ve genuinely forgotten the rest of the presentation but I won’t forget that.

Show threadLyksoJun 11, 2025

@morganth TBH, I tend to think that people *don't* really like being asked for help, but they like to think otherwise of themselves.

I'd like to think I'm wrong, but this does seem to fit with my experiences. 🙃

Show threadCiggy Bringer of Smoke

@lykso @morganth

I would qualify this - most people don't like being asked for help they seemingly can't provide, like there is a resentment around 'how dare you ask me for something I can't provide, you're humiliating me'. It's a weird faux pas for sure, but it comes from the place you're thinking of - people want to be a help if they can be (and think of themselves as such) and don't like feeling unhelpful if pressed.

Jun 11, 2025 at 11:32pmWeb
Show threadmorganthJun 11, 2025
@ciggysmokebringer @lykso That is a good nuance and I agree.
Show threadLyksoJun 11, 2025
@morganth @ciggysmokebringer I think there's also an element of feeling interrupted or distracted in certain contexts, as well as resentment or irritation if it seems like something the person asking for help ought to be able to do themselves. Or if the task is one which the person being asked for help just doesn't enjoy doing.