levampyreDec 9, 2024
Dear fellow autistic or monotropic peers, I need your advice. I struggle with taking "me time", esp. in stressfull tides. How do you do it? How are you able to relax when you know you have unfinished business? How do you not feel guilty (?) thinking about all the chores you didn't do today? How do you drop tasks you or your loved ones depend on? And how do you give away responsibility, when it means that you also lose control over how things are done? @actuallyautistic #autism #monotropism
Show threadCybermenace a.D.Dec 9, 2024

@levampyre @actuallyautistic for me intense contact to well rounded neuro-normal people works well.

They tend to feel that there are a lot of things they have no control over and they are fine with it. They are fine with the fact that many of the things that should be done are not done today and maybe never. Generally less binary thinking, less perfectionism.

I think also moving away from nerd culture worked well for me.

Show threadCybermenace a.D.Dec 9, 2024

@levampyre @actuallyautistic I find that I imagine my loved ones depend on much more of my busy work, than they actually do.
For example dropping the requirement to provide a healthy and ecological conscious meal every day made life for us so much less stressful.

It also helps me to think that the chores I want to be done are enough to fill 50 hours a day - so it is normal if much stuff is left undone; no reason to worry.

Show threadCybermenace a.D.

I struggle withe the question "do I want to be loved for who I am "do I want to be loved for what I do". And how much of what I am is defined by what I do.

Generally I do not want to be remembered as a busy person with no time. But I want to get a lot done. But getting things done makes me a busy person.

So I'm angry that I have to go to the cinema with my partner because there is unfinished work. And I'm angry with that I don't enjoy the quality time with my partner.

Dec 9, 2024 at 5:49pmWeb
Show threadCybermenace a.D.Dec 9, 2024
@levampyre @actuallyautistic
What works well for me is imagining my future self: in two years will I fondly remember the Saturday I finished that coding project?
Or will I remember the night we sat at the river or the and had a beer while watching the ambulances on the other side?
Show threadCybermenace a.D.Dec 9, 2024
@levampyre @actuallyautistic Still, this does not work always. Company parties/outings were a horror because of all the unfinished thoughts/projects/todos.
Why should we go paddling while this or that needs finishing? I solved that by actually not starting any real work the day before.
Show threadCybermenace a.D.Dec 9, 2024

@levampyre All this sounds terrible self-centered and trivial while writing it.

You sound as if your live is very challenging currently. I wish you well and find some inspiration for unburdening.

Show threadlevampyreDec 9, 2024
@md Well, I asked for advice. It's always a chance to reflect on oneself. So don't feel bad about doung. Not starting a project before a company party is actually smart. I will definitely try that.
Show threadlevampyreDec 9, 2024
@md Exactly, yeah, the moments when we form memories from, when we take the time to enjoy life, these are the moments we live for. Not work. But there is also some work that I really enjoy doing, gardening e.g., preserving food, etc. And since we have plants and pets these also require some chores kind of work. But I do waste too much of my valuable time on a stupid employment that I wouldn't do if we didn't live in capitalism and didn't need the money to survive. That's for sure.