mekka okereke Nov 19, 2024

Happy international men's day!

Reminder to be more like Black men!

Black men:
* Are seen as more masculine
* See themselves as more masculine
* But we do more stuff considered feminine?🙂🙃
* And no one says a damn thing!

Because this whole masculinity thing is made up and a scam. Stop hurting yourself!

https://hachyderm.io/@mekkaokereke/113051689610950204

No seriously, stop hurting yourself. Black men have one of the lowest age adjusted suicide rates.👍🏿 White men? One of the highest.

mekka okereke :verified: (@[email protected])

@[email protected] If you look at political surveys of how people feel about big issues, Black men align much more closely to women, than men overall. 🤯 * Should men participate in childcare? * Should you wear a mask during a pandemic? * Is it OK for men to hug their male friends? * Is it OK for men to wear pink? * Should abortion be legal? * Is it ok for tampons and pads to be in a men's bathroom? * How concerned are you about the environment and global warming? * Has feminism helped or hurt women?

Hachyderm.io
Show threadcraignicolNov 24, 2024
@mekkaokereke I wonder if that's a result of Black men traditionally having many more female role models than White men? So strength and success are not seen as purely male attributes? There's plenty of white women who were written out of history in favour of their husbands or colleagues.
Show threadmekka okereke Nov 24, 2024

@craignicol

I think it has more to do with the puritanical influence on US culture.

The toxicity is not a white thing, so much as a white American thing.

For example, men in Sweden or Finland are as involved in childcare as Black men in the US are. Men in Europe are much more likely to wear pink, eat gelato in public (gasp!), hug their friends, etc. as a result, European men are much less lonely than American men.

https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2024/03/middle-aged-americans-lonelier

So Black men are unique in this regard *In America*.

Show threadmekka okereke 

@craignicol

This is something that would be weird to a lot of European men, but there are a lot of American dads that:
* Don't know their kid's teacher's name
* Don't know their kid's doctor's name
* Don't know their kid's food allergies

Not divorced dads! Dads that live with the kids🤦🏿‍♂️

A lot of US dads are feeling proud because "Yes, some dads don't know this stuff. But I'm one of the good ones! I know this stuff!"

And a lot of European dads just read that in disbelief, slightly horrified.

Nov 24, 2024 at 8:42pmWeb
Show threadmekka okereke Nov 24, 2024

@craignicol

Horrified European dad:

😮 If you don't know your kid's allergies, how can you ever fix them something to eat?!

😮 Don't you see your kid's doctor every time you take them to an appointment? Don't you learn this by accident/osmosis after like the 3rd visit?

😮How do you not know the kid's teacher's name? Isn't it on like, the report cards? Again, don't you learn this by accident with no effort?

Many US dads:

🤷🏼‍♂️ My wife feeds the kids. And me!

🤷🏼‍♂️ Wife takes care of that.

🤷🏼‍♂️ Wife.

Show threadcraignicolNov 24, 2024
@mekkaokereke UK feels like it's stuck between Europe and US on this (like many other things). Definitely feels like a generational shift, my parents generation would definitely be the US way, the generations after me are generally the European way in the majority, and Gen X me still feels like I stick out like a sore thumb because I'm the only dad in the mums group - even though I meet other dads at the school.
Show threadBen LingsNov 24, 2024
@craignicol @mekkaokereke I’ve noticed a big shift since shared parental leave came in (UK). From my colleagues (IT consultancy, mostly male): Before, most (all?) dads would take the statutory 2 weeks paternity leave immediately after the birth. After, most would take 3 months of shared leave after the mother had taken the first 6 months.
Show threadcraignicolNov 24, 2024
@ben_lings @mekkaokereke I took extended paternity before it came in, but that took a lot of planning, and a bit of luck that it crossed Christmas and a reset of annual leave at new year. I'm sure that played a big part in bonding, so I'm glad the new dads have greater access to that valuable opportunity.
Show threadStacey Cornelius 🇨🇦Nov 24, 2024

@craignicol If I may: Generations/demographics are not a monolith, so I sincerely believe we need to get away from that. As in, right now. Out loud, and everywhere.

Focus on culture. On values. On shared beliefs.

Totally get the "sore thumb" feeling, Craig, at being the only dad in the mums group.

I hope we can turn "generations" on its head to form community across societal/demographic/fake constructs to gather together and make a difference.

Also, good on you for being a glitch in the Matrix! (writing from Canada)

@mekkaokereke

Show threadcraignicolNov 24, 2024
@StaceyCornelius @mekkaokereke I agree it's not a monolith, but as pointed out elsewhere in this thread, there's a definite positive change following the introduction of longer paternity leave, which means that more men have an opportunity that they didn't have before the change. I'm sure many of my generation would have wanted the chance (I can think of a few of my friends for example) so it's not an attitude change, it's an opportunity change.
Show threadStacey Cornelius 🇨🇦Nov 24, 2024

@craignicol Huge respect to you and your friends who are talking about it. The opportunities exist in a large part because of you.

@mekkaokereke

Show threadcraignicolNov 24, 2024

@StaceyCornelius @mekkaokereke we all need to be good scouts and leave this place in a better state than we found it, so more involved dads, stronger labour rights, and women's rights, and civil rights, and LGBT rights, and less pollution.

And teach the next generation why it matters and how to get it. We need to get there together, but we need strength, enthusiasm and wisdom, so all generations need to work together.

Show threadStacey Cornelius 🇨🇦Nov 24, 2024

@craignicol I love this so much. 100% agree. Thank you.

@mekkaokereke

Show threadSteve LoughranNov 24, 2024
@mekkaokereke @craignicol what is this "see a doctor" thing that you talk about?
Show threadmekka okereke Nov 24, 2024

@stevel @craignicol

😢