nateOct 25, 2024
i hate "men bad women good" because it also affects children too, what if they transition later? like me? i had to deconstruct so much gender essentialism bullshit just to start taking testosterone and not feel guilty of just being a man instead of a nonbinary-only creature.
Show threadVelvet

@nate I used to live (pretending to live?) as a guy and with how much this was insinuated in people's words and actions, I was always left wondering why guys are seen in such a bad light.

Ok well, part of it was ignorance born of male privilege, and a lot of guys definitely earned some of that reputation with how they act, so I can't say there isn't at least a kernel of truth in the notion.

But as a "guy", it was really miserable to be treated as scum by default. I had to police everything I did strictly and I even felt guilty about things I did alone in private.

Well, I'm the pot calling the kettle black here. Now I myself treat cis men with disdain (I'm generally wary of cis people, but cis men definitely get more of it).

Oct 26, 2024 at 12:52amWeb
Show threadnateOct 26, 2024
@rgbunny This shit is hard to deconstruct, I have seen so many men getting comfortable to dump the most misogynistic bullshit but also so many women trying to fix me in such a short time period that, uh, it's overwhelming, gender essentialism is overwhelming.
Show threadVelvetOct 26, 2024

@nate Yeah, it really is.

I think the problem is cisnormativity. A big part of it is an enforcement of a clear dividing line between the sexes. So like if some guys act like this, all guys can act like this, but the girls on the other side of the line? Safe.

But it's of course, complete nonsense. I've seen plenty of misandrist drivel from women too, so women can stoop equally low.

The guys being forced to serve the military? They don't deserve to have a seat in public transport.

Plenty of other examples are out there, but my brain with <4 hours of sleep isn't serving me well 

Show threadnateOct 26, 2024
@rgbunny damn your sleep comment reminded me i should be sleeping already  but yeah, 100% what you said, it's some unending conflict that benefits no one
Show threadVelvetOct 26, 2024

@nate It's a real dilemma. With enough bad actors, it's wiser to update your strategy to be more cautious instead of being permissive. And from what I've seen in boys' school and the military, a lot of guys are actually trashy. But being suspicious of all guys for our own safety is being unfair to those that are good.

This is probably the gender essentialism in my brain speaking. I really don't know what's the best thing to do here though, despite having lived both sides.