@Willow I really, really love being physically stronger. I don't work out as often as I'd like, but even from the first year on T, so many things became physically easier. I could finish amounts of work that felt "right." I could open things by myself. It took fewer trips to bring in groceries. Lugging around the box of cat litter was an effort, but not a taxing one.

I could just... do a thing, breathe for a couple of moments, then go about my day.

No more doing a thing and then sitting on the couch because I felt weary and (I now realize) dysphoric.

@Willow I think I should add to this that it isn't just, "Yay, I can lug more bags at a time."

At least once a week I'm struck with this profound gratitude over what my body is able to do now. I'm afraid to use metaphors because I don't want to be offensive, but it was like having been cured of a chronic wasting illness. Pre-T, I didn't judge myself for being weak or anything -- I didn't really know I felt weak, only that exertion hurt emotionally as well as physically. Because I'd hit my limit before I thought it was there, and so I would hit it hard, every time. That hurts! And is taxing and triggered despair.

And I didn't understand any of this. It was before I'd even heard of spoons theory, so I'd just be sitting there, devoid of spoons, wanting to cry, and with a job "unfinished."

I still feel the ghost of those old limit-warnings when I'm doing things now, and that's what triggers the gratitude, I think. I'll look down and realize I was just able to move a 70-pound tub of books, and some thing I wanted to accomplish is finished. I might be breathing heavy but I'm standing up and feeling good about myself, that nice dopamine thing. And I'll want to cry a bit, for different reasons.

@weirdofhermiston @Willow It really does feel like some sort of emotional rush. Pre-T, I thought guys were kinda dumb for trying to get literally every grocery bag in one go. But now I get it.

Why do anything? Because you can.

@erosdiscordia @Willow yeah I definitely think "let me try lifting [heavy object]" often, just because lol

And a lot of times I can actually lift it!?! What in the world