Mastodawn

aspargas2 Oct 7, 2024

Hoshino Lina (星乃リナ) 🩵 3D Yuri Wedding 2026!!!

From a Discord comment about this post:

you know, i'm surprised lina and cyan talk about something so personal publicly

I think people don't write enough about healthy relationship dynamics. Sure, it's personal, but how are others supposed to learn what is healthy and what isn't if we don't talk about it?

The internet is full of horror stories about abuse, neglect, weaponized incompetence, cheating... but you almost never see long posts about positive relationship situations. The bad stories are a good reference for what not to do... but how are people going to learn what to do?

The way relationships are presented in media is very stereotyped, dry and often ritualistic (and sometimes actually veering on abuse or toxicity even when that is not the intent), but it's the only reference a lot of young people have for this stuff. Is that really okay?

I get the feeling a lot of people fall into "tolerable" relationships because they feel obliged to, or due to peer or family pressure, and they never realize that's not how it's supposed to be, because they just don't know. They think that as long as you aren't having regular fights with your partner and there is no physical abuse, that's a healthy relationship. But that's just the lowest bar...

I waited many years until I found Cyan, but I'm so glad I did. 🩵

https://vt.social/users/cyan/statuses/113256887195850285

Cyan Nyan 賽小鹽 // nullptr::live (@[email protected])

I sat across @lina’s legs and whispered in her ear: “Babe, imagine this: You’re 14, and you invite your crush over for dinner.” “Your family’s all upstairs. And I suddenly sit on your lap” Her expression started to turn a little playful. “You think you’ve just invited a friend over to hang out. You finally meet a girl who can also code, and you think tonight is just for some pair programming.” I felt like I had her imagination hooked. She tried not to laugh, holding it in. Then, she burst out laughing, covering her mouth. “Was I too specific?” I asked. She laughed even harder, pushing me away. “The pair programming part totally ruined the mood, too funny!” #AsaCyan

VT Social

Imikoy Oct 7, 2024

I waited many years until I found Cyan, but I'm so glad I didGives me hope... (spoiler-ed part below)

(the rest also gives hope, not just about relationships)

Imikoy Oct 7, 2024

@lina The brain is gravitating towards comparisons of myself (presented as "no one with no interesting qualities, with no semi-permanent home, and constantly exhibiting ADHD-like symptoms") to others, which is an action that is undesirable and I am slowly working towards making it as harmless as I can, but it still has some power.

I hope I become better at everything...

Velvet Oct 7, 2024

@lina The stuff shown on media is often so horrible that I genuinely thought relationships are more trouble than they are worth.

Then again, I turned out to be aro, so

But honestly, it's only on fedi do I start seeing relationships that don't look like they are about to crash and burn (or are already on fire).

rastilin Oct 7, 2024

Good point about how media portrays relationships, I've often thought the same thing. I can't stand modern movies or tv shows just because the people involved are so terrible to get along with that they're just painful to watch.

And yeah, whenever media tries to portray a healthy relationship, it's always so stilted and by-the-numbers that it's actually somehow worse than a dysfunctional relationship.

四 Oct 7, 2024

@rgbunny @lina Bad sells, it’s more entertaining sadly.

And it pains me but I get it. If something in my life isn’t going well, no matter what, I don’t get any solace in seeing it going well for others. But I can find a shared experience in misery.

That’s not say I like the misery porn of the news etc (I avoid commercial news in general, it’s toxic), but more that I enjoy dark/sad/minor key music and dark/self deprecating humor.

I do think it would do society wonders if we got better at being positive and supportive. So I am all for it!

m_on_stair Oct 7, 2024

@lina
wait you two are together??? since when??

Hoshino Lina (星乃リナ) 🩵 3D Yuri Wedding 2026!!!Oct 7, 2024

@m Officially since three weeks ago, but it's been a while ^^

https://www.youtube.com/live/iSFdI0uXYKQ

Important Announcement ft. @AsahiLina ✨

YouTube

m_on_stair Oct 7, 2024

@lina omg congratsss aaaaaa sjdihqbsoxujwosufnruw8qpnz

Hoshino Lina (星乃リナ) 🩵 3D Yuri Wedding 2026!!!Oct 7, 2024

@m Thank you!!! 🩵

Sun Microdevil Pte Ltd Oct 7, 2024

@lina First forgive me if I'm coming off as being rude but while reading lovebird stories and PDA sure is nice, I am just as curious about how you'd do such things like settle differences, compromise on things, deal with extended family dynamics (though I guess this would depend on cultural factors too, not sure if this is present in your relationship haha), and - especially - navigate changes, among other things...

(in short, the usual "difficult" matters)

Though granted I am not a big stream watcher so apologies if those are already covered in your streams

Hoshino Lina (星乃リナ) 🩵 3D Yuri Wedding 2026!!!Oct 7, 2024

@koakuma Those sound like good questions for a stream! ^^

But to answer here... it's all about communication. During the first months of the relationship we talked about *everything*! We joke that we had conversations in the first month that it takes some couples years to get into ^^. The more open you can be about all kinds of topics (health, body, family, friends, money, fears, worries, passions, desires, etc.) the better things work.

I think important to go into relationships already having a solid friendship. If you jump straight into romantic feelings, you can end up trying to make work a relationship that can't work due to irreconcilable differences.

Once you're compatible on the important stuff (children, "politics"/human rights/equality, religion, etc.) then everything else can be handled with strong communication.

It also helps to not be "picky" in a general sense, and able to adapt so you work together. Both Cyan and I have made many small changes to our lives to accommodate each other, but as long as we both aren't stubborn about the same issue, then it's easy. And when we do disagree, more communication and compromise.

As for family dynamics, that's... a long story, and yes, very tied to culture ^^;;. The short version is cherish family that supports and helps you, and don't let those that don't drag you down.

.:\dGh/:.Oct 7, 2024

@lina @koakuma I remember a school friend who was in love with a gal next building. She was already dating someone, note that.

He fucking cooked.

He started being on the same "club", then friends, and now they're married with two children.

I remember because we constantly told him it was slow as fuck and would never get her. "She's playing Champions League, you're on Championship".

.:\dGh/:.Oct 8, 2024

@lina @koakuma Just going to add that, since then, I learned the best way to start a relationship is to start from zero.

Sometimes you will find your other half,
sometimes you will find a friend,
and if you can see past their bluf,
sometimes you will find someone to forget.

鎖神Lukas Oct 7, 2024

@lina @koakuma Hmhm. Dating one's friends somehow has a bad reputation but I do believe it's ultimately the only sustainable way in the long term. (Assuming one is mature enough to refrain from stirring up needless drama if it doesn't work out, anyway.)

Ren Oct 7, 2024

@lina well I think its very sweet

鎖神Lukas Oct 7, 2024

@lina >The way relationships are presented in media is very stereotyped

so much this. I *hate* the constant premise in media that relationships are by nature destined to fail. Which of course means they will almost inevitably slide into toxicity. (Even though that is in my experience not at all necessary even in relationships that fail)