GrogonSep 21, 2024

Seems like my Partner cant do anything alone?

https://lemmy.world/post/20018886

Seems like my Partner cant do anything alone? - Lemmy.World

Hey. I might be judging this Situation wrong but I feel like my wife cant do anything alone and she never leaves the house and I have no time for me. Sorry but my phone is making capitel Letters cause english isnt my main language and sorry for Bad english. My wife and I are 31 and been together 12 years. I love her. Since a few years I notice how all her friends moved away, she failed her exams and has nothing. So I understand her Situation. I noticed she cant do anything alone or always wants me to join in even though we spent the whole day together already. She cant just bake a cake. She always ask if I can help and Im like sure okay and in the end all I do is messure sugar, melt butter… its like a thing Id do alone to unwind. She wants to go eat ice in town. I say no I dont wsnt to and she is like “okay” and goes watching TV. I wsnt to play computer but feel bad because she is bored, watches no shows… all she does is watch garden tv where they build St.pid Pools lol. If I were her Id go without “me” and unwind. Heck, if she wants to stsy home I go drink coffee alone or with friend and just scroll reddit and watch ppl. She cant. She stays home and waits til im done playing. The thing is I could play forever. My friends all play starcraft and overwatch. But if I do play I cant enjoy it cause I have a wife a room next to me being bored. I feel like I have to entertain her. She has no hobbies, all her friends moved away, she has no job,… and if I were hin her Position Id still be fine cause I have so much to do. I can go swim, watch ppl, do nothing, play games, read, cook etc and all alone. Sometimes I enjoy if Im alone which is rare. This weekend she visits her friends and is gone til tomorrow and its sad because now I feel so free. I can sleep in without feeling bad, i can game all night. This morning I was in the local Spa and just sat in whirlpool 3 hours alone. It was so good knowing I can do all that without having the feeling to entertain someone waiting for me. I feel so bad

Show threadneidu2

I’ve been on both sides of this dynamic. While it can be summed up as depression, I want to put it in the words I felt: Her world feels very small right now. Because it is very small. And she’s holding on to what little remains of it that isn’t inside her own head.

The solution is “simple”: The depression needs to end. I’m not the one to tell you how this can be achieved for her, but I can tell you what worked for me:

  • Does she realize that she’s depressed? I sure as shit didn’t. And that only made ut gradually worse.
  • What does she like to do? It wouldn’t surprise me if “nothing” is the current answer, but is there any hobbies, old or new, that she could pick up (again)?
    • Sep 21, 2024 at 3:36pmWeb
    Show threadDarkThoughtsSep 21, 2024
    Depression was my immediate thought as well, maybe anxiety. Especially with her failed exams and friends moving away. I wonder if OP ever talked to her about it though? It doesn't sound like he even has an idea what's going through her head and why she does or doesn't do things, which sounds like a big communication issue.