To celebrate I tried out a tarot deck (https://ashandchess.com/products/queer-tarot-an-inclusive-deck-guidebook) I recently got. Both spreads I did screamed gender. (am i still drowning in doubt/denial? no comment)

I also decided to do a fresh playthrough of Celeste, as it definitely helped me crack and start to peek out of my shell. So! More toots coming about Celeste 🍓 ⛰️
(edit: or maybe a long diary entry about how much i love celeste. who knows?)

Queer Tarot: An Inclusive Deck & Guidebook

Here we go!

"But you should know, Celeste Mountain is a strange place.
You might see things.
Things you ain't ready to see."

You don't say...

Guess now I understand why even this gave me such feels the first time through.

And I really loved the postcards, too. I still regularly play Celeste, but I often forget about these. They felt so encouraging! I forget about them because they don't show up except on new save files.
I kind of remember getting that first strawberry? And it was tricky! This whole level was tricky! (I am not good at video games) Aaah. Everything was just perfect about it though? The music fit perfect for me, and embodied this sense of "I don't understand why I'm so interested in doing this very obviously difficult thing, that seems to have no tangible benefits. What am I doing?"
Same girl, same.
But wow. The level feels trivially simple now. As I was first making new progress, I remember constantly thinking that so many things that seemed impossibly difficult in the game at first became *so easy* with some practice. Which feels like intense supertext (and very much something I wish I brought more of into my own life)
Ah! Theo! Honestly, I didn't like Theo at first? Not that I specifically disliked him. I just... didn't want to have to think about another character? And his gentle, playful teasing (or, read "judgement" lol ) for being technologically/socially out of touch? It hit too close to home 😅 Or his big YOLO. It seemed kinda exhausting to me. At the same time, he seemed genuinely kind. I imagine I was feeling almost exactly what was imagined for Madeline. But eep. I love Theo now, ha
Damn you, colorblindness!
Big oof

Bigger oof.

This hit me so hard the first time through. I think I might have even cried. I didn't understand *why* it hit me so hard. But this was a few months before I came out to myself. I think I knew that this was about not everyone who sets out to transition makes it, and it was a lot of mixed feelings of grief and fear. Again. Feels like supertext. But I think I was still somehow oblivious to it on some level.

Whew.

And *wow*. Me from 2+ years ago would not have believed I can do that in 13 lives. (through present-me has gotten the golden on this and a handful of other levels, and feels the need to point that out). It's fun to notice the change.

(and for anyone with criticism about the number of lives (looking at you, present-me)... there's a postcard coming up for you)