TheArstaInventorMen in their 40s, what’s one piece of advice for men in their 20s?
pezmaker It’s easy to believe you’re invincible in your twenties. Or “later me can deal with it.”. As that later version of me, I’m not a huge fan of that earlier version in a lot of ways. It’s fine, I’m who I am for what I went through, and I’m righting the ship. But the more cans you kick down the road, the more you have to deal with later and the harder they are to deal with. Physically, mentally, financially. It’s ok to try to live life freely, but definitely be aware of this and consider kicking one less can every chance you get.
So much this… Despite trying to drive defensively I have been involved in two major car accidents. The first one I walked away from, but the second one put me on Flight for Life. Despite the accident itself being pretty bad, the only physical issue was a broken leg that took a couple years to heal properly. However the REAL issue took longer to realize – something from that accident has caused me to have continued sleep issues since then. I’ll be on medications the rest of my life probably, and even then I still have trouble getting restful sleep if I’ve been physically active.
Yeah it’s easy to feel invincible when you’re young, and your body can heal from a lot, but just remember that those things can also fuck up your shit in ways you might not realize until years later. Things you take for granted now (like sleep) can really screw up your enjoyment of life when they don’t work right.
well5H1T3It’s ok to try to live life freely, but definitely be aware of this and consider kicking one less can every chance you get.
Got it.
The random aches and pains you start waking up with are here to stay. Learn to embrace them.
And drink more water.
balderdashHey you, reading this right now. You just drank water didn’t you?
SanguineParDoes whisky, ginger beer and lime cordial count?
Well most whiskey is 80 proof, so 60% water! Counts
There’s definitely some water in those!
Exactly! 😃
And get your eyes checked once in a while. For a while I would get massive headaches by early afternoon. I thought I had a nutrient deficiency. Bloodwork came out ok. Turns out I needed stronger glasses.
RiskableIf you’re working in the attic, under the house, around dirt/dust/debris wear a mask/respirator. It’s so nice to be able to take deep breaths without coughing later in life (and outclass your peers in the stamina department) 👍
Pro tip: Even though they’re bigger and bulkier respirators are much more comfy than masks.
VaggumonDrink more water, listen to your body, don’t give more to someone then they give to you, respect yourself, and your time.
don’t give more to someone then they give to you
I tend to disagree on that one. Random acts of kindness/selflessness to people, even complete strangers, can bring bonus satisfaction to your life (and sometimes will be paid back). Make it a habit to give to people, when you have the chance, especially if it is low effort.
If you have people around you that just constantly leech off of you, then I agree: don’t let yourself be sucked dry.
I was more referring to your final statement. Those who take and take and never give back to use you with little regard for your own happiness or safety.
Altima NEOMoisturize, use sunscreen. Protect your skin and you’ll look young even in old age.
Sunscreen sounds unmanly, but think about how you’ll feel with half your nose excised. Put it on your face especially!
And your neck. Golly, that sucker does weird things later in life. Or is it moreso for women?
Start saving for retirement now. You can make literally millions by putting away 10% of your income early on. Do it automatically so you never even notice the money gone.
If you are worried about making the wrong choice and your company doesn’t have a 401k, open an IRA somewhere (Fidelity if you need someone to make the decision for you) and pick a date targeted fund. Set up auto deposit. Never look at the balance.
You can always make it better later but for now the best thing to do is start. Don’t let analysis paralysis get in the way.
If 20 year old me put away 10% of her income, it would just mean borrowing more. Current me would just have more debt and be worse off than now.
SanctusYeah a lot of people in there twenties can’t even spare 5%. I’m thirty and I can’t.
Tak“Save money for retirement” Yeah so I can pick up painting? The only thing I’ll be able to paint is the ceiling if I want to retire.
Have you seen the price of emulsion?
Oh I was going to use the free stuff and use a 12 gauge brush
Some companies in the US have a deal to where they match on 401k. One such organization puts in 5% for your 2%. Two percent is low enough it wouldn’t be a hit to almost any cash in your pocket given that the money is taken out pre tax.
TheImpressiveXQuestion: If I had money saved in a 401k or Roth IRA, what if I died before I retired? What would happen to the money? Would it go back to the government or to a close relative?
kersplooshYou can (and should) assign a beneficiary for the account. They receive the money if you die.
AmbiguousPropsYou declare your beneficiaries when signing up - it goes to them, I believe.
anon6789I don’t want to come off as insensitive, so I’ll try to phrase things carefully.
If you have even the slightest spare money per pay period, like $30, and a 401k or 403b is offered to you, you really need to do it.
That money comes out of your check before taxes, so you will be investing more money than what actually comes out of your check. By deduction 6% of a $15/hr full time job, you’re putting in $36, but your paycheck will only go down about $30-free money!
Many places will match you some, say half of that first 6%, so now you’re saving $54 while only being out $30. You’ve almost doubled your money in one week!
Come tax time, you’ve saved $1872, and you’ve been given a free $936. It doesn’t stop there though, because now you only are paying income tax on $29,328 instead of $31,200. If you get a tax rebate now, you will get even more back!
So now you’re saving $2808 a year at age 20. Let’s put that in one mutual fund, a SP500 index fund. Over the last 10 years, that has returned 12‰, but let’s be conservative and call it 10. If you never make a cent more per hour, by age 65, you will have saved $84,000 and your job has chipped in $42,000, over a year’s pay! But with that 10% compound interest, you have $2,000,000! You are a multi-millionaire for $30/wk!
If you get a raise or get a better job in the future, this number can be even higher.
Please keep this in mind. Even if you can’t do it now, do it ASAP. Here are the same numbers, but starting at 30 instead of 20.
Still amazing, but seeing this difference is why we older on ones tell you not saving earlier was our big regret.
I hope this was helpful and doesn’t get taken as a “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” thing.
EuroNutellaManYes that’s cool and all but I have to pay rent and food and as things stand now the average salary is like enough to cover ⅓ of the rent
You entirely missed the point he was trying to make.
No, I understand what he’s trying to say. The point is: doing what he recommends requires having money to save up in the first place, and for a big portion of people in their 20s that’s not the case.
PoikIt’s valid, and it sucks. If you can even do $5, it’s worth it. But the world is absolutely against you right now. A lot of older folk don’t quite get how bad it’s gotten.
However, saving a dollar today is worth more than saving two dollars ten years from now. And having an emergency fund might actually save your life.
Hopefully something happens to shake up housing. These prices are absolutely criminal.
maniacalmanicmaniaI don’t know if this goes for all guys. Your balls will kinda drop again at some stage. If you have a desk job you could end up sitting on them for a while before realising what’s happened. Adjust the way you sit, what you wear down there.
I notice immediately when I sit on mine. And everyone else in the room notices too due to the sound I make.
ĐƗǤƗŦΔŁ Ǥ€ΜƗŇƗStart a yoga practice and keep it up. In 20 years, you’ll thank yourself.
Or GMB or any other mobility-oriented practice!
Try to take the time to care for your mental and emotional health when you need to, then, instead of stewing for years and years. I made the mistake of rolling with it, turned 35, and I’m lucky to still be here at 40.
Still struggling. Wish I’d spoken with someone years ago.
Yeah seconding that. Try to find a way to deal with your monsters. Forgiveness or accepting that you won’t get justice, whatever. But don’t drink poison thinking the other guy will hurt. We all need to learn to heal, the process takes s long time. The earlier you start the better.
Exercise more. Does not apply to all of the
20s, but to quite some.
Look after your back and neck. Floss. Drink more water. Find out if you have family inheritable disease risk and adjust accordingly.
But also, take advantage of some of your best years, and the freedom which comes with not being tied down.
I’m 36.
Do yourself a favor. Dont drink alone.
Sound like a tall order? Work on that. Your liver is important. You’ll be alone a lot. You get in that habit now, it’ll be with you when you’re 40, and your liver will not be a fan.
Do you spend hours on the couch scrolling on your phone? Try to go on a 2 mile walk every day. 4 is even better. Your heart will thank you. Your hips, knees and ankles will thank you. Listen to a podcast. You can still binge content, just… Get your body moving. And get your eyes to focus on the horizon every now and then. It’s good for your eyesight long term.
Get yourself out of breath, heart racing from pushing yourself physically at least once a week. Preferably nearly every day.
Stretch.
Brush your teeth twice a day.
Floss.
Drink water.
You should be able to do 20 pushups.
You should be able to touch your toes.
Sprint as far as you can at least once a month.
Just don’t get complacent being complacent.
Yeah regarding the drinking alone; it’s an easy escape from whatever is happening right now (45+ yrs here). Not an alcoholic but I definitely have a bad habit (that’s what all alcoholics say, right?) during non work hours to disconnect (not sure from what to be honest…life?)
I’m not good by what I suggest lol.
Trying to get them young because these habits die hard.
It is easy to say you’re not an alcoholic. Have you read what defines alcoholism? I qualify. I wouldn’t assume I do.
Here’s the cold slap in the face for us all. Count up your points…
Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a > longer period than was intended.
There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.
A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects.
Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol.
Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home.
Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol.
Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use.
Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.
Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol.
Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:
*A need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect. *A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol.
Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
*The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol (See the “How is alcohol withdrawal managed?” section for some DSM-5 symptoms of withdrawal).
*Alcohol (or a closely related substance, such as a benzodiazepine) is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.
Spoiler AlertThis is the hidden text.
Happy Friday I am sorry
Whew! I drink 4 or 5 beers daily and have for years. None of those listed markers applies to me. I don’t drink to get drunk, just to relax.
Four or five a day and not getting drunk? Holy shit, that’s a tolerance! If this isn’t tongue-in-cheek, I say examine the list a little more closely.
That’s typically less than a beer per hour. I get a buzz if they’re IPAs or other high APV beers, but otherwise I just like the mellowing effects
Okay, you do you, but my father’s career was as an AODA counselor, so I’ve heard a lot of stories, and “I just use it to relax” comes out of the mouths of alcoholics so often it’s a cliché. There are other ways to relax without the long-term damage to one’s health.
This alone qualifies you as an alcoholic. You can kid yourself all you want. Your body will catch up with you.
That also relates a lot with other addictions (including behavioral addictions like social media or general electronic addiction)
Remember alcohol is itself a central nervous system depressant. I do drink in moderation (2-3 a week) but everyday is a bad idea, even outside of any harm to your liver or whatever, because it can make you depressed and downers of all sorts (including Benadryl) accumulate damage over time that can contribute heavily to dementia risk.
If you are worried about it, that seems a clear enough signal, you don’t have to label yourself as anything, cut down if you can. Going to the gym or yoga class after work can provide the same wind down in a healthier way. I do understand wanting a separation - it is so nice to come home, sit on the porch with a drink, to separate work from home life, but most days I go to yoga instead.
None is better than some, some is better than a lot.
Get somekind of workout and stretching routine going on. It’s much harder to build the habit later when you’ve got maybe a family going on and probably more work responsibilities.
Working hard is for suckers.
Getting paid is what the whole song and dance is about.
DJDarrenI’m 43 and gradually coming around to the fact that as long as my managers aren’t actively talking to me about not doing enough, then I’m doing ok. It’s worked wonders for me being anxious that I’m not doing what’s expected of me.
It’s fine to do the bare minimum as long as you’re not fucking things up for your colleagues. You get paid to cover the minimum of your job description, not to work yourself to death.
We should have been taught this at 23 not FAFO 20 years to learn it.
Sucks to suck being a pleb I guess... "real" people made careers in the mean time.,
Isn’t it just.
I’m surrounded by young lads who think that working themselves to the bone is some kind of flex, or lazy pricks who give the others shit for not working hard enough.
These days I just crack on and do my thing. My manager is happy with my work, and I can sometimes spend a good five hours just scrolling the internet, looking busy.
Fuck I needed this. I am at the point where I am about to talk to a psychiatrist about this because I have such bad anxiety about whether I’m doing okay or not at work.
Take care of your back and your teeth, they start hurting like hell the older you get.
This couldn’t be more true. Don’t fucking lift that two man lift at work that you can totally do it by yourself because you’re young and strong and maybe you’ve done it a dozen times before. Just don’t fucking do it. One time was all it took for me to have a lifetime of problems since my 30’s. I know the exact moment I ruined my back. 30 years later I can remember how that pop felt. It didn’t even hurt bad enough at the time to need time off work. I thought I was still just fine. Ten years later, nope.