Install Linux!, they said. Wifi works now!, they said
OK after about six combined reboots of both the phone and the Linux machine, and turning on USB debugging and connecting ADB which seems like it shouldn't be relevant but Stack Overflow thought would help and somehow does actually seem to have helped, I have successfully got my phone to USB tether to my linux laptop .Wifi remains purely a hypothetical

@mcc never had issues with wifi personaply

otoh bluetooth *never* worked and trying (accidentally) sometimes crashed the entire os into a recovery mode

so uh... yeah

@norado Bluetooth doesn't really work for me on commercial OSes either tho
@mcc Steam seems to be the only piece of software ever to make bluetooth work even semi-reliably