MidnightMegachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test
Too real.
Pretty soon it will be
That 0.5 second moment where I read the title before realising it is the onion đłđł
Arenât these 0.5 seconds the moments we live for?
There was just an NCD post about the Mormon Industrial Complex yesterday, so in this specific case, no.
Heh, that makes me think of the LDSS Nauvoo
At the rate the world is going, I would not be very surprised if in less than a decade the Mormons just actually did have their own nuclear weapons program.
Hell I would not be surprised if they currently, secretly own a decommissioned ICBM silo for âemergency preparednessâ (read: survival bunker for their most elite elects) reasons.
TroyMagic underwear and spaceships. Letâs fucking go eh.
ThirdWorldOrderWent through the same rainbow of emotions. Well done Onion.
Jonestown Fallout
God: Makes everyone keep waiting for Armageddon.
American Evangelicals: Iâll do it myself.
Iâll make my own Armageddon, which blackjack, and hookers!
I mean, thatâs quite literally happening, more or less. Check out the documentary Praying for Armageddon if you can find it.
Match!!When they switch over from âGod works in mysterious waysâ to âGod works through usâ
pancakesThis is one of those âOh thatâs so crazy. That would never happen in the real world.â
And then ten years later some American court rules that their right to bear arms and âone nation under godâ extends to nuclear warheads.
Existence of a privately owned nuke is a security hazard of all sorts, no country would accept this.
The goal is for the government to own a nuke, and for a corporation to own the government.
Check and check.
How long till this becomes true?
How long to till? Well, it depends how long your field is, and whether youâre using all of it.
Wait. Did you mean âtill as in ploughâ or âtill as in a cash-drawer?â Both are accurate. Itâs not the boat-steerer, as thatâs a till-er.
Lmao, fuck you kindly
Well THATâS going in the DnD ideas folder.
InfynisPlease donât give them any ideas
That was the most horrifying thing Iâve ever read before realizing it was the onion.
50 kiloton thermonuclear? Thatâs a fizzle folks. They donât know how to handle their plutonium. Fake news.
North Korea mad in jealously
In the mid 90s the Japanese Aum Shinrikyo cult were producing chemical weapons which were used in a deadly sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway. They may have tried to mine uranium ore on the million acre cattle ranch they briefly owned in Australia. Several nuclear powers are lead by autocratic theocracies/cults and the US could be the next.