I am full of cramp and horror but I have succeeded in turning off the flow of new water. I can barely type, my fingers are so sore.

But at least it's not getting any wetter.

Now I have no water in my taps and my bathroom is soaked and I'm soaked and aching and sweaty and face a massive repair bill.

Hope you like cider or rum coz there's no water in the house now other than the puddles on the floor.

I've known where my stop-cock is since I moved in.

I've known it's very inaccessible since the kitchen was redesigned.

I've known it's basically ceased up and that might become a problem for a couple of years.

Hammering on the plumbers wrench, wrapped through a tiny hole onto the stop-tap, while lying on my back inside a kitchen cupboard, frankly risked simply breaking the tap and making the entire problem even worse.

I did at least oil it first. Not with WD40 though. With olive oil. Had no wd40.

One of the jobs this plumber will hopefully do is move that stop-cock to somewhere accessible with a tap that isn't 50 years old and dying. And maybe fit a dishwasher? Never had a dishwasher.

Assuming moving a stop-cock is even possible? I hear they can do things like freeze the pipe before the tap on purpose and then operate on the pipe before unfreezing it?

Anyway. New bathroom incoming.

Maybe a wetroom instead? Surely a shower instead of a bath so small I couldn't really fit in it even if I liked having baths.

Maybe wheelchair accessible bathroom? My dad isn't likely to visit but I suspect everyone who lives long enough needs one eventually.

What else is good for bathrooms?

The cupboard that used to hold the boiler or hot water tank or whatever it was that was in there with the old heating system, is mostly just annoying and taking up space and smelling moldy.

I wonder if it's walls are load-bearing?

Would be great to ditch that entirely and take back a quarter of the bathroom floorspace.

Anyone got a favourite type of tap or whatever?

Should I get a smart-toilet?

Who likes a bidet?

I doubt my dad will ever visit, but if you don't die before you need it you'll need a wheelchair accessible washroom one day.

So was thinking about that.

Mortgage is basically paid, I have no wonder lust really. So there is a good chance I will live here until I die.

A 40-year bathroom that will still work for an old disabled man in his 90s at the end of those 40 years is what I'm aiming for I guess?

Probably really I'd move out or die before it became actually necessary, but the disabled-access on the rest of the estate is well woke, and this is a ground floor flat. It is suitable for a wheelchair user other than the current bathroom I think.

Ohh... I just had a thought.

When I turn on the shower I turn on the hot-tap to max, wait for it to warm up, and then pull back the pressure until it goes throb-throb-throb. Then back up a tiny notch before maxing out the cold.

I never really understood where the throb-throb-throb sputtering comes from. I considered phoning into James O Brien's mystery hour to ask many times as I stood in that shower. But now I bet it's that flexy-cable that feeds the hot-tap, squeezing or bending or compressing or something.

Stress-stress-stressing every time I turn on the shower so that I can use the ritual I've designed to ensure it's the proper temperature before I step in.

Until it weakens enough to break, just as the rest of the UK infrastructure breaks as Starmer takes over to get the blame.

Thanks Starmer.

Right.

I'll stop doing that if it gets repaired.

#plumbing #bathrooms #throb

The ritual developed because if when standing in the shower, you feel too hot and turn the temperature down, sometimes the hot pressure gives and and goes throb-throb-throb and then it's oh-fuck-stand-back as the shower does a pulse-weapon of hot and cold water at you.

So I turned the hot down to the minimum before stepping in, knowing I should only turn it up from there.

And every time since, rub rub rubbing my way to a worn pipe and a flooded bathroom.

I guess none of this will matter in a new modern professional bathroom that isn't gerry-rigged together from flexy-pipe.

Is there a bathroom wi-fi standard or anything I should know about?

My current mirror-cabinet-on-the-wall has been too low for 25 years. I have to couch to shave.

I pull out one of it's mirror-doors to rest on my shoulder so I can see behind my head to cut my hair. Envisioning disaster when I drop it every time.

Is there some better high tech-modern way to see behind my head which doesn't involve video-feed my bathroom to India on a camera?