What Your Piano Says About You: A Thread

2/🧵

You have no taste. Did you mean to order a white piano? On purpose? If yes, you definitely have this bad boy in your living room right next to the fireplace and a tiger print rug. You think you're a real ladies' man but you haven't seen any action since 1983. Your favorite stage show is Siegfried and Roy. You listen to Gordon Lightfoot unironically. You haven't practiced since the Reagan administration.

What Your Piano Says About You: A Thread

3/🧵

You used to play, and you were actually pretty good. But that was before the husband and the house and mortgage and the 2.4 kids and soccer practice and ballet lessons and baseball tryouts and karate and you wonder how your life became so complicated. Your husband works in IT. Your kids attend Montessori schools. You eat tacos on Tuesday and meatloaf on Friday. You doomscroll Facebook and Instagram every chance you can. You're currently late for Pilates.

What Your Piano Says About You: A Thread

4/🧵

You are either a timetraveller from the 18th century, in which case, hello from the internet! How are you reading this? Or, you're the most gullible person in 17 counties. Someone on craigslist convinced you that this was a "grand piano" because it says so right on the case, and you believed them to the tune of $1,500 and a case of Michelob Light. You work a dead end job and live in a 4-bedroom house with 6 roommates. Your dog has fleas.

What Your Piano Says About You: A Thread

5/🧵

You are a music teacher. You value function over form. You are consistently short on both time and money and you have no patience for people who waste either one of yours. You drive a 6-year old Subaru with 100,000 miles on it that's overdue for an oil change. You have a no-nonsense haircut and wear sensible shoes. You haven't been able to find time to practice this week and it's killing you. You have nightly dreams of robbing a bank and retiring to Tijuana.

What Your Piano Says About You: A Thread

6/🧵

This was your mom's piano and it has sentimental value to you. It's out of tune. The sort of out of tune that brings to mind honky tonk old silent movies starring Charlie Chaplin. You always wanted to learn to play piano, and someday you will. Right after tax season ends. Or next tax season. Definitely after the one after that. Your favorite food is something fried, with cheese in it. You have seen every single episode of The Bachelor.

What Your Piano Says About You: A Thread

7/🧵

You are weird. Or a music historian. Or both. You practice for hours every single day, you absolute lunatic. You haven't seen the inside of a pub since Covid. You have memorized the Dewey Decimal system.