I once managed to get a little time away from them with some people I thought were friends. It was really nice. I started growing a little, almost became a person. Then that fell through and I got stuck back in this awful box and could just feel the life draining out of me. She swore everything’d be better but it’s just been worse. Sometimes I feel just a little hopeful that I can not just get away but get better :-\

As for the Other Place, I’ve already deleted my account there. I think even if I figured out where to post, a brand new account wouldn’t be allowed to and probably I’d look suspicious as hell if I were :-\ Not even gonna rant about how fucked-up it is that asking for help can even be suspicious :|

Was thinking about maybe Minnesota, since MN Transplant (though they’ve given up on the transplanting thing) has a bunch of resources on seemingly everything, in trans-friendly flavour. Resources aren’t a safety net, a support network, nor a plan, though, so I’ve got several states’ worth (maybe Colorado? Maybe Oregon? Washington? Parts of Cali? Chicago even?) of random bits of wood, a pile of tools I can’t name, and no mentor nor manual but I’ve suddenly got to build a house :-\ No time to even figure anything out. Not in a reasonable situation for trying to, even. Don’t know anycritter anywhere. Very stress! Lost alone. Should’ve found a friend before saying “no” to a self-obsessed control freak who thinks she owns me and her cruel, hateful slave, I guess :-\

Gotta take a nap. Too sleepy. More pain “tomorrow.”