China: “Remove all VPNs”
Apple: “Sure thing”

China: “…and podcast apps”
Apple: “Can do boss!”

China: “…and also hand over all iCloud data for our citizens”
Apple: “I mean why wouldn’t we? Here you go!”

EU: “Allow alternate app stores, and do it fairly”
Apple: “Ahhh hell no! This is so unfair you guys are bullies! Malware! Privacy! We have standards! Unlike you we care about our users!”