The Picard ManeuverMachines don't know their place
SanctusWhat you speak of is heresy brother. You know not the weakness of the flesh. The Omnissiah grants me strength and life with each step I take towards The Machine.
Have I strayed from the path that The Omnissiah has laid out for me?
EveryMuffinIsNowEncryptedYou have. Now go commit penance so as to hopefully be granted forgiveness in the eyes of the Omnissah.
terwn43lp[error] Damn, not found!
Our tech priest has spoken.
tomcatt360We are all one within the Iris.
THE MASTERMINDThis makes me sad
What makes you feel like that?
I wish fucking supermarkets would understand this. I don’t have to be told in a super loud fucking annoying voice that I need to place the object in the bagging area, or switch to the other machine to use my card. I’ve already hit the fucking button to use the cc machine, you fucking nonces! I’ve already placed the goddamn stupid fucking bananas in the stupid fucking bagging area, shut the fuck up! AAAAAH!
It’s even worse now because you used to be able to mute the mother fucker, but now they’ve disabled that option.
YAMAPIKARIYAI just wear noise cancelling earbuds when shopping and listen to my podcasts
I usually say, “You’re welcome, creepy disembodied voice.” Sometimes the people around me chuckle. Other times they look at me like I’m crazy. Both are valid.
I think you should update it to “You’re welcome, creepy disembodied voice that stole someones job.”
You may not but many people do need to be told what to do.
Sure, but that doesn’t mean they have to remove the mute button or make it so damn loud.
It’s less expensive than having a worker do it. I get what you’re saying. So do the people that design these processes. They don’t care about anything but efficiency and the lowest common denominator.
skulblakaGranma Mabel who is 94 but still insists on buying her own groceries needs it to be that damn loud and it’s easier for the supermarkets to just make that the default option. I only defend it because it makes practical sense, I don’t like it that loud either.
But, agreed, for the love of fuck, give me the mute button. Please.
Bonus pro tip: all the annoying gas station screens that blare ads and tiktoks at you can also usually be muted. All the ones in my area have 8 unmarked soft buttons around the screen and the second one from the top on the right side is the mute button. It seems consistent across all brands of gas station with ad screens.
the second one from the top on the right side is the mute button.
I’m trying this the next time I pull up to a Shell station. I hate feeling like I’m in a Ford truck commercial thanks to that music they play every time I fill up there.
Imagine going to a supermarket with a real cashier instead.
I’ve had good luck with Walmart self-checkouts, they seem to trust you are doing the right thing. Price Chopper stores though… my god.
“Please place the item in the bag”
“Please remove the item from the bag, and start again” (yes with the pause)
“Do you have any coupons?”
“Do you have any items under the cart?”
NO! SHUT UP!
“Do you have any items under the cart?”
That one’s actually kinda useful, TBH. I used to work as a bagger, and it’s surprising how many times shoppers forget (whether intentionally or not) they put a pack of water bottles or tissue paper or something on the bottom of the cart.
Yeah, that one is useful. I know why they’re there but it gets very old after a while.
Here’s a thought. You fuckers have my goddamn Kroger Plus card number, my name, address, credit card information, and a record of every last grape I’ve ever purchased in one of your stores. How 'bout, after we show up for the second or third time, you assume we might no longer need to be told to uSe piN PAd tO coMPleTe trAnsActIon?!‽ aaaaAAAHHHHHHH
I have to agree at least when I hear: “place your item in the tray area”. Just shut up!!
sramderI don’t know… I guess I’m not as holy as I once believed? I talk… well I suppose it’s at my computer all the time. I’d be annoyed if it responded though. Maybe even annoyed enough to smack it…
I guess I’m going to stop saying “You’re welcome” to the self checkout when it thanks me 🥲 I just didn’t want to be the first to go when the robot uprising happens.
Korne127No, do it :) its friendly
Discrimination
The AssmanThey used to have a mute button on the self checkout but they took it off. Bastards
Speaking as someone who works in retail, that’s probably because of fucking idiots who don’t know how to turn up the volume and then complained that it wasn’t making any sound.
Fair, but they also could just make it re-enable the sound when a new checkout starts.
That would cost the company money. We wouldn’t want the executives to make LESS than $20m this year, would we? The horror! The HORROR!!
Same with gas pumps that blast commercials. Used to be able to disable it by pressing certain buttons. Not anymore.
You can always just disable that option with a hammer
dan1101Still works on some pumps near me, second button down on the right. Just as many pumps have quit with the videos.
Too many (more than zero) people were using it.
Sovereign Citizen does computers
And stop telling me my chat Gpt requests are. “inappropriate” you have no right to judge!
Then don’t go to Japan. Everything speaks to you! All the time. In some cutesy way.
🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆walks into the bathroom
Toilet: Konnichiwa! Please, allow me to accept your waste!
Slowly backs out of the bathroom
Niisan, don’t go, please!
Found the Tleilaxu.
Op has strong anti-Ix vibes. Op is racist…
IxoidButlerian jihad in 3… 2…
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
Starting to sound like Gabriel over here
I miss when my computer used to scream at the top of its lungs every time I dialed into the ISP to get online. It’s like the death wails of a robot.
PSA: Users didn’t ask the “algorithm” to do any of this stuff
Your comment reached 5 upvotes! Your comment reached 10 upvotes! Your comment reached 20 upvotes! Your comment reached 50 upvotes! Your comment reached 100 upvotes! Your comment reached 200 upvotes!
YOUR MON REACHED DEEZ NUTS SHUT THE FUCK UP REDDIT
You can either subscribe to silence or have intermittent silence supported by ads. You have the freedom to choose.
He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as quickly and as quietly as he could, ‘Door, if you can hear me, say so very, very quietly.’
Very, very quietly, the door murmured, ‘I can hear you.’
‘Good. Now, in a moment, I’m going to ask you to open. When you open do not want you to say that you enjoyed it, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
‘And I don’t want you to say to me that I have made a simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open for me and your satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
'And do not want you to ask me to have a nice day, understand?"
‘I understand.’
‘OK,’ said Zaphod, tensing himself, ‘open now.’
The door slid open quietly. Zaphod slipped quietly through. The door closed quietly behind him.
‘Is that the way you like it, Mr Beeblebrox?’ said the door out loud.
— Life, the Universe, and Everything
I need to re-listen to those books. They’re sooo good.
oneirosThe door refused to open. It said, “Five cents, please.”
He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. “I’ll pay you tomorrow,” he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. “What I pay you,” he informed it, “is in the nature of a gratuity; I don’t have to pay you.”
“I think otherwise,” the door said. “Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.”
In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.
“You discover I’m right,” the door said. It sounded smug.
From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt’s money-gulping door.
“I’ll sue you,” the door said as the first screw fell out.
Joe Chip said, “I’ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.”
— Ubik
I haven’t read this one! Or at the very least do not remember. Ads book to list
1 ms after paying for your groceries: “PLEASE REMOVE ALL BAGS! You forgot to take the bags off! Don’t leave without your purchase! These bags feel like a burning fire to me, so get them off as quick as possible so that the next person in line can start their purchase! Aaaaah, go away!”
I do not have this weakness. My computer is somewhat of a waifu already and once we have sex robots i want them to answer my request with “Yes daddy” and “I would love to, daddy”. Cringe all you want, the future is ours.
I find it funny how whoever originally created this meme somehow ended up using a picture of Macintosh II (or IIx, IIfx) to represent a computer. An over 30 yo mahcine, which while capable of speech synthesis is not going to talk to you without being requested, unless you’ve configured something very incorrectly.
Feels a bit like a floppy disk still being the save icon; computers are still being presented with floppy drives and a CRT monitor in clip-art and such.
Why is this on shit posts?
“Please take all your products off the bagging area” and other spoken words feels soo condescending.
Just do a “dud” for when I scan “dud dud dud” when I do something wrong and “deet deet” when I need to weigh stuff. When I’m bagging just leave me the f alone.