@OldAndCranky if there turns out to be an afterlife of the ghostly variety, I will have sooo much Unfinished Business of the readerly variety.

I had better be the poltergeist kind, because if I'm completely unable to move solid matter then I'll be dependent on reading over people's shoulders and not even being able to ask them to wait a sec before turning the page, and I have NOT sinned badly enough in this life to deserve such torment