Robbert van EijndhovenFeb 17, 2024
Quenby

Her: and then I asked him "oh I'm sorry am I interrupting your Minecraft?" And you know what he said?

Me: yes?

Her: I don't know where he got this attitude

Me: what attitude? You were interrupting his Minecraft. He was answering what he thought was a question.

Her: well it wasn't a question

Me: well he's a kid and he's new at learning how to read toxic communication styles

Her: 😡 I'm not toxic

Me: what was the point of the question? How did you want him to respond?

Her: not like that

Me: but if you don't know how he's supposed to respond how the hell is he supposed to guess? It sounds like you just want to be mad at him.

Her: I want him to pay attention when I talk to him

Me: then give him enough time to shift his attention before you start talking.

Her: why do I have to change?

Me: because what you're doing now isn't working? Because you're mad every day and you don't have to be? Because your kid needs you to???

Feb 17, 2024 at 2:22amWeb
Show threadJennifer Kayla | Theogrin 🩊Feb 17, 2024

@Quenby

Thank you!

It's amazing how many people make zero effort to be understood, then get upset when they're *mis*understood. Obviously they're not trying to communicate, these folks would fail a first contact with flying colours and then get upset at the aliens for leaving in search of intelligent life.

Show threadMaddie (MIGRATING SOON)Feb 17, 2024
@Quenby i love minecraft
Show threadQuenbyFeb 17, 2024
@mjdxp
It's definitely a game that requires focus. I, personally, might not even hear someone talking to me when I'm playing.
Show threadKaiyalaiFeb 17, 2024

@Quenby oof, what an awful job of communicating she seems to have done. She wasn’t even answering the questions in the posted conversation, much less the one with her kid that conversation was about.

“Not like that” isn’t saying how she wanted him to respond. It’s listing a fail state after the fact, when the question was about what the success state would have required


It’s not just me, that that’s a weird way to communicate, is it?

Show threadQuenbyFeb 17, 2024
@Kaiyalai
She's not great at communicating but she was also really angry and it didn't help things much.
Show threadKaiyalaiFeb 17, 2024
@Quenby big oof.
Show threadcohomology is FUN!Feb 17, 2024
@Quenby I think it’s easy for parents to assume whatever their kids are doing is unimportant and hence it’s okay to just interrupt them. But imagine you needed to interrupt an adult in the middle of a task requiring concentration. You’d say something like “Excuse me. [pause] I’m really sorry to interrupt, but
”. Certainly our kids deserve the same courtesy.
Show threadDraic inna n-airscél n-amraeFeb 17, 2024

(Boosting with CW is done like this, right?)
CW'ing this because I feel like at least one of my mutuals could use that CW to be there.

( @Quenby )

Show threadNot a Spring OnionFeb 17, 2024
@Quenby
Sounds like the adult assumes that she is higher up in the hierarchy. Which she isn't.
Show threadDaniel GibsonFeb 17, 2024
@wakame @Quenby
I wish people would learn how to parent before having kids
Show threadJillFeb 17, 2024

@Quenby

I forget which unschooling post I read, but they equated it with someone actively playing a sporting game (soccer, let's say) and a parent demanding the child stop playing the in-progress game to pay attention to the parent. That would be rude to assume, right? So why think that interrupting Minecraft is ok?