FrightenedRat 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Nov 13, 2023

@RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic

I'm very confused at the idea of feeling gender.

I only understood gender as being gaslit that I can't/shouldn't be who I am. I keep SHE to recognise my history of female suppression. I wear dresses to avoid trouser seams. I FEAR macho culture but fem norms = daft. My body doesn't feel wrong or right just weird.

Does any of this touch on what's meant by feeling gender? To me it's mystifying - like talk of experiencing God.

Show threadMarytzuNov 13, 2023

@FrightenedRat @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic ime, you know it when you are denied it or it is coerced upon you.

When I came out as gay, that's when I was confronted by it. It wasn't really an issue for me before then (masking and gender, sure, but it didnt make me question anything).

You feel it when someone tries to tell you who you are or are not. A voice or feeling inside that replies, NO!

Show threadMarytzuNov 13, 2023

@FrightenedRat @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic for me, being told that being attracted to women is a masc thing.

It's ridiculous now. But at the time I did believe it. And I believed that lesbians were *all* butch, and a whole bunch of other shit too.

For me, it's the voice saying "fuck you, liking women is now officially a woman thing".

Show threadFrightenedRat 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Nov 13, 2023

@marytzu @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic

I get reacting against being forced into a role that doesn't fit - like a male or female stereotype. Two responses:

1) society's gender expectations/categories are wrong.

2) I have a real internal gender different from what soc assigns.

I don't have a sense of internal non-imposed gender so went for 1). But I'm curious about what prompts 2) & if it's a +ive feel not a negation, & if most cis people have the same.

Show threadMarytzuNov 13, 2023

@FrightenedRat @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic I suspect that if you have no strong feelings about it, you are cis.

Only oneself can define oneself, though.

Cis isn't a bad word. It's just an adjective that may or may not describe you.

Show threadFrightenedRat 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Nov 13, 2023

@marytzu @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic

But mightn't strong gender feelings tie to the 2 types of understanding above?

On the gender=normative language view, if someone (S)hes me & I don't notice behavioural assumptions, it doesn't impact my identity: I don't react. But to the extent that I notice their (S)he-ing invoking norms I'm 😡.

But on the gender-words-truly-map-to-internal-genders-with-matching-properties view, then all (mis)gendering invades id?

Show threadElisabeth MNov 13, 2023
@FrightenedRat
Everything I was told about women contradicted my experience though I was in the woman slot myself. So I assumed that society was wrong about what women are. At the time there was no vocabulary around other genders; even so I briefly declared I was not a woman. 1/2
@marytzu @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic
Show threadElisabeth MNov 13, 2023
@FrightenedRat
Then, because that seemed impossible to keep up socially, I declared that if I were a woman then the definition had to be large enough to fit me. In today's terms, cis woman had to include genderqueer or agender or whatever I am, too. I still feel deeply uncomfortable with the whole topic 2/2
@marytzu @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic
Show threadElisabeth M
@FrightenedRat
I chose to claim the word woman; now I feel constantly misunderstood because with the introduction of other available slots, now woman means all those things I spent my life saying it doesn't have to mean, and I fear that once again I'm sitting in the wrong slot. At this point I'm okay with the word. As long as it doesn't have to mean anything people think it does 🤦‍♂️
@marytzu @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic
Nov 13, 2023 at 2:51pmWeb
Show threadElisabeth MNov 13, 2023
@FrightenedRat
If I were a teenager today I would not have claimed the woman slot; I would have abandoned it. But since I've lived here this long and redefined it for myself I'm not keen to leave. I just once again still cannot stand all the meaning society imposes on it, and me. I often wish no one talked about gender, that people just did what they wanted and didn't put words on any of it
@marytzu @RolloTreadway @GTMLosAngeles @autistic.me @actuallyautistic