Thorny_Thicket

What does the fear of being judged by others hold you back from doing that you would otherwise do?

https://sopuli.xyz/post/2738438

What does the fear of being judged by others hold you back from doing that you would otherwise do? - Sopuli

To be fair I still do these things but only when no one is looking. Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow. Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it’s a warship I’m trying to bomb. Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don’t because they’re considered femine or gay.

Aug 26, 2023 at 6:38amWeb
Show threadstephanAug 26, 2023

Sounds like you’re still a kid at heart. I’ve got a 2yr old and I immensely enjoy playing these sorts of games with him. My wife always jokes that I’m using the sandbox more than him, she even snapped a couple of pics of me playing alone in there.

What kind of clothes are you talking about? A skirt on a man is still pretty courageous, but if you’re talking about a pink shirt just go for it.

Show threadThorny_ThicketAug 26, 2023

What kind of clothes are you talking about?

Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …

I’m perfectly aware that it’s not that others care that’s holding me back but the fact that I care. Doesn’t make it any easier though.

Show threadekky43Aug 26, 2023

Ayy, speedos gang! May others avert their eyes if they can’t handle me and all my sexiness.

Regarding the original question, while I’m already running around in speedos, I absolutely wouldn’t mind some more colorful clothes, or perhaps some final fantasy/guild wars inspired clothing. Like those outer coats that go all the way to your shoes, but with decorations and stuff. But I feel that the included judging is a commitment I’m not ready for yet.

Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023

Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …

There’s quite a few guys who dress like this where I live and I find they are often not single.

Show threadMothraAug 26, 2023

I don’t pick my nose or fart in public. I don’t lick a plate or use the finger to scoop what’s on it if I’m in company. I also don’t phase out and daydream half as much in public, an exception would be on public transport as everyone is kind of gazing at nothing so it’s not obvious I’m in another dimension entirely.

As for other things, no, I don’t have that kind of filter. I will occasionally stop and stare at that interesting pattern on a tile or leaf, follow closely with attention what the birds are doing, sniff if I sense an animal and see if I can find its trail (possums and rats usually) etc. I still build sandcastles at the beach and if the opportunity arises I’ll scribble on cardboard coasters or paper napkins.

Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023
it’s interesting you don’t daydream in public - I usually leave the house to daydream harder.
Show threadMothraAug 28, 2023
It’s easier to switch off my senses if I already know my surroundings. Also people who caught me daydreaming teased me afterwards about it, apparently my thousand yard stare and overall unresponsiveness it’s either concerning or hilarious to people.
Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023

That’s annoying! I always assume someone is just deep in thought but I don’t know why I’d give someone shit for thinking.

Reminds me of people who like to say “its not that deep” all the time in response to questions that are meant to spark conversation. Like some people take pride in not using their brains or something.

Show threadMothraAug 28, 2023

Eh, no biggie! People do that when they don’t experience a similar behaviour themselves.

As for the not that deep crowd, I always thought they’re either self conscious or fear touching a triggering topic. Refusing to engage means they won’t be judged on their opinions or ability to reason and express themselves. Trying to pass a cool is what gives away they’re trying to cover up something.

Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023

I think part of it is them being self conscious but I think it was also just seen as a “cool” way to behave like you said. I often saw this mentality on reddit of course and in various discord servers where people just couldn’t back up what they were saying - so someone else approaching them with an in depth take, just causes them to try and shut things down with “oh its not that deep”.

Like its a very dismissive phrase meant to shut down conversation.

Show threadbob_wileyAug 26, 2023

I’ve been talking with someone to try and figure this out as well. One thing pointed out often is that judgement will happen no matter what, but judgement isn’t always negative, we just tend to frame it that way. It could be that you wear that clothing you like and people make the judgement that you have good style and seem like a cool person.

When I think back and am honest with myself, when I’ve gone out on a limb and did something different, it has almost always been judge positively. And if somebody judged in negatively, fuck em, they’re probably a miserable and projecting.

Of course all of this is easy to say, but hard to integrate (at least for me).

Show threadOnopordumAcanthiumAug 26, 2023
I also think that some people judge you negatively/mock you, so they can feel better about themselves
Show threadKissakiAug 26, 2023

And if somebody judged in negatively, fuck em, they’re probably a miserable and projecting.

Now that’s a harsh judgment.

Show threadGradually_AdjustingAug 26, 2023
I have an imp on my shoulder, lot of intrusive thoughts that are only funny to me. I pretend not to have them, and I’d rather just share whatever dog shit pops into my head. But I’m afraid I’d be committed.
Show threadsomethingsnappyAug 26, 2023
Arm bands. I probably read or watched too much fantasy as a kid. For a while I braided leather arm bands and wore them. Mostly they were covered by whatever I was wearing. Then all the Brohs started getting arm band tattoos and it killed it for me. I recently said fuck it, and have a pounded metal arm band and I love it!
Show threadThorny_ThicketAug 26, 2023
I’ve never heard that one before. Kinda get it though. I bought a surplus army jacket and the description said some of them come with Austrian army logo on the shoulder. Well mine did come with one and I like it though I’m somewhat worried someone might see that as cringe but I justify it by the fact that it was already there and I didn’t attach it.
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 26, 2023

Pretty much that last paragraph of yours.

I don’t care if people see me as childish, weird,or even dumb. But that makes me hesitate for some reason.

Show threadOnopordumAcanthiumAug 26, 2023
May i ask what kind of clothes you mean?
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 26, 2023
Skirts, dresses, thigh highs, crop tops, and just generally the feminine section of the clothing store. So many items there that are a lot more interesting than what the mens section has to offer.
Show threadOnopordumAcanthiumAug 26, 2023
Never thought of that before, but you’re right. Way bigger variety of stuff
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 26, 2023
Right? Women have like twenty different types of tops in all the shapes and cuts imaginable
Show threadChrisAug 26, 2023

And colours! So many colours.

The material’s always nicer too.

Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 26, 2023
Seriously, if I wear one more sandpaper hoodie, I’m gonna cry
Show threadall-knight-partyAug 26, 2023

That reminds me of men's haircuts. If you're sticking to traditional short hair you basically just walk in and go... Okay, how much longer do I want the top than the sides and do I want a fade or a hard line? And that's pretty much it.

Going for longer hair as a guy just gives you so many more options.

Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 26, 2023
I’m so annoyed by hair… I want to let mine grow so bad, but pollen allergies and long hair is an awful combination
Show threadall-knight-partyAug 26, 2023

It's definitely got a lot of caveats. For me, it is annoying to need to put my hair up every time I eat, otherwise I eat my hair. But I love the way it feels moving around and if you have any social anxiety it conceals your face when you look down, which can be helpful as an instant hideaway.

But yes, it is definitely many times less manageable than short hair. However... I don't have bedhead ever!

Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 26, 2023
Feeling my hair in the wind was definitely the best thing about my short-lived long hair adventure, gotta say
Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023
just be sure not to pull your hair up too tight and you’re good
Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023

I really love that some guys look at women’s clothing and think “oh that’s more interesting”

I totally agree. My wardrobe is gigantic cause there are so many things you can do.

Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 28, 2023
More men should just wear whatever, tshirt and jeans is really getting boring, isn’t it.
Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023
Yes! I use to be a shirt and jeans person. Then one day I realized jeans made of denim aren’t all that comfy. And I could dress up more! And that actually there’s all kinds of stuff out there I can look good in.
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 28, 2023
I just need some of that confidence of yours, though. Maybe I’ll do a full dress-up on halloween first, so people don’t ask too much, because my god, do I not have the nerve for questions.
Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023
Halloween is the best time to try out dressing up!
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 28, 2023

Will definitely need someone to help with makeup, because if I do it, I’ll go all out.

On that note, my inner excitement when thinking about going full femme speaks volumes

Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023

I didn’t really learn make up until late in life, like my late 20’s. But I only learned after watching several youtube videos and instagram too. I’d totally recommend just watching people put on make up and imitating what they do. It really is just painting your face by tracing the outlines of your bone structure.

I’m always excited to be hyper femme lol

Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 28, 2023

I just want to thank you real quick for being so encouraging, it really means a lot to me.

Talking about it like it’s the most normal thing in the world is still something I have trouble with, there’s probably lots of internalized stereotypes going around that head of mine.

So thank you, really. It helps a lot.

Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023
No problem! I guess I have kind of ulterior motive though. I just like when guys are more interested in being femme in general. So of course I want to encourage it to be more normal.
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 28, 2023
You should. No reason to call it an ulteriour motive when people have expressed the interest themselves already
Show threadcubedsteaksAug 28, 2023
Thanks and I will!
Show threadHarmoniousAug 26, 2023
Basically everything. Telling a joke that I love. Showing excitement for something I love. Doing my silly voices; especially my batman and girl voice. Taking my shirt off. And so much more. Damn social anxiety and confidence issues.
Show threadMothraAug 26, 2023
Having a friend that randomly speaks like batman (or a girl too, but batman) sounds like a lot of fun!
Show threadHarmoniousAug 26, 2023
The batman voice makes me break out in a coughing fit but I guess so haha
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 26, 2023
Being able to do both a batman and a girl voice is pretty damn cool. Silly voices in general are my jam, I love doing Stitch impressions
Show threadHarmoniousAug 26, 2023
I used to be able to do a perfect Stitch impression before my voice dropped. Now I just sound like Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy haha
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 26, 2023
Somehow, I was only able to do it after my voice dropped. No idea how that works
Show threadHarmoniousAug 27, 2023
I envy you
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 27, 2023
I envy you, for the girl voice
Show threadHarmoniousAug 27, 2023
Ha, it just takes practice. You’ll get it
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 27, 2023
I shouldn’t complain since I never really tried. So yeah, practice, I guess. Apparently, you need to keep your larynx up high?
Show threadHarmoniousAug 27, 2023
The best way I can describe it is by using the back of your tongue to compress the beck of your throat. Kind of like just before you cough. Holding it in that position is how I do the girl voice
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 28, 2023
Okay, now I just need everyone at home to leave, so I can try it in peace
Show threadHarmoniousAug 28, 2023
Do it while driving by yourself. That’s the best time to practice
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 28, 2023

Good point. Being alone in the car doesn’t happen very often though.

Ah, what the hell, doesn’t matter. If I do a Stitch voice and a turkey impression in front of everyone, I should be able to do that too.

Show threadHarmoniousAug 29, 2023
It’s just takes practice, you’ll get there. I’m sure of it
Show threadmiss_brainfartAug 29, 2023
I hope so
Show threadHarmoniousAug 27, 2023
The best way I can describe it is by using the back of your tongue to compress your throat, kind of like how just before you cough. That’s how I make voice go higher than normal
Show threadThelsimAug 26, 2023
Silly voices are the best, they’ll always enjoyed by your (future) kids/nieces/nephews/etc.
Keep practicing your craft, you’ll find an appreciative audience sooner or later :)
Show threadhenfredemarsAug 26, 2023

I’ve always been such a child at heart and my soul is bursting with whimsical energy when I see kids playing pretend at the playground next to where I walk my dogs. I’d love to play pretend with them, encourage the children to really let their imaginations run wild and free. I was often lost in my own world as child. I know what it’s like to be so consumed by it. I want to fight the robot king!

I’m an adult male however. I would definitely look like a child predator, so I must go on my way.

Show threadhumanfactorAug 26, 2023
To all of you guys who enjoy playing pretend, I want to suggest to try playing improv theater. There are often beginner courses and its a kind of slightly guided cooperative make believe. My personal recommendation: try long form Impro and not just short form (which I learned to be the goofier of the two). For me it was very freeing to find an outlet for this stuff where it’s suddenly even cool.
Show threadchristophskiAug 26, 2023
Join a local theatre group