000999What would happen if caffeine was made illegal?
MothraI think once upon a time alcohol was illegal somewhere? That’s what would happen. And I’d totally join a mafia
This is the real answer. When they illegalized a drug that was already widespread and in common use, basically everyone simply became a criminal. There’s no reason to think people’s natures will have changed enough to suddenly want to be law-abiding citizens, easpecially when they’re on ceffeine withdrawl.
I don’t think it would be as widespread though, since you need specific caffeine producing plants in order to get it, as opposed to alcohol which can be made from just about anything. The growth and distribution would probably be more like Marijuana, if 90% of the country were addicted to it (so insanely expensive and a whole lot of also caffeine-dependent cops being paid off).
It is definitely not the right answer.
I can make wine, to prevent me from making wine you’d have to make literally every fruit illegal, and even then there are millions of wild apple trees in my country that you’d have to cut down. It’s impossible to prevent people from making alcohol.
In contrast to that, you can’t grow anything that produces caffeine in my country. I’d have to import it, and checking mail in customs is a hell of a lot easier than checking the vast areas of empty forest to see if I’m illegally growing apples.
Ahem… the Coffia
BrikoXPretty much the same as with every illegal product. It would move to black market because as long as there is demand there will always be a supply.
Brownian MotionI’d just go back to cocaine. What is the question here?
Have you ever had coca tea? It’s amazing - way better than caffeine. It’s more gentle, but stronger - like it gives you more energy, but you don’t get a hard crash, it’s less likely to make it hard to sleep, plus it has all sorts of health benefits - being able to adjust to high altitude for one
Cocaine probably shouldn’t be sold at the drug stores, but it would be amazing if we treated it like caffeine - you need a license to buy it, but you can get the leaves or products made for it
Plus we could make a path to legitimize cartels and stop getting people killed over the the war on drugs, which would be nice
If people couldn’t find alternatives and caffeine wasn’t illegally available…
Many people who need coffee to function in the morning would lose their shit. Overworked people and workers with really long shifts will not be able to keep up. People would probably fall asleep at work.
radixThis made me realize people would probably fall asleep while driving and cause unusably congested highways all across the country, potentially causing supplies shortages.
I will become Caffeine version of Pablo Escobar 😉😂👊🏻
Including the hippos?
Probably a lot more work related murders.
I’d have a rough few weeks coming off my 8 espressos a day habit but I’d get over it eventually
RustedSwitchI consider a double shot the minimum portion - do you have 8 of those?
I do not. I have 4 of those. It’s 2 capsules per cup out of a nespresso machine or a double shot from the office machine, 4 times a day.
Ok, 4 of those is more than me most days, but not too bad
It’s probably too much by a lot, and I’ll have to stop at some point, but I really enjoy the taste and the social aspect of getting up and walking over to the coffee machine with the team. We get a couple minutes to chitchat, ask any technical question we have, etc.
Amilo159That would require passing a law to ban both tea and coffee. And who do you think will bother to sit through a meeting without tea or coffee to even discuss such a bill?
And who do you think will bother to sit through a meeting without tea or coffee to even discuss such a bill?
Are you implying that politicians follow the laws the put in place?
I think they’re referring to the discussion of banning caffeine while they have their coffee and tea
I’m pretty sure the last time the govt tried to mess with our tea we started a war and made a new govt, so uh, that.
The Mormons. Yes, the Mormons is the correct answer.
Raisin8659The governments probably stop functioning. Apocalypse ensues.
NumbersCanBeFunI think violent crime would rise for roughly the period of time it takes to get over caffeine withdrawals. Other than that probably a bunch of illegal coffee stills.
Any increase in violent crime would be negligible compared to all the coffeine ban violations that would start happening.
HamartiogonicI would take 30 minute nap every day after lunch.
That sounds lovely, let's try that without making coffee illegal.
Bathtub coffee and speakeasys.
Wait…? You don’t make your coffee in the bathtub??
I’m more sophisticated than that. I have a spare toilet to brew my illegal coffee, tyvm.
LilDestructiveSheepThat day I will definitely not being in the office. I mean… It’s gonna be a wreckfest.
Same thing that happens with most drugs. It’ll still get in, prices will skyrocket, and it’ll be laced with fentanyl so instead of enjoying a nice cup of coffee, you’ll die because the government tried to tell you what you can do to your own body again.
Offices won’t get any work done before 10am. Soldiers would fall asleep at their posts.
Pharma companies would already have a caffeine equivalent that would be only slightly different in structure so it would circumvent the law. It would then be sold at exorbitant prices and people would still pay even with the side effect of sometimes you eat someone’s face. Of course they would then sell you something else to stop the side effects. You would of course also have the caffeine purists who would start their own speak easies and organized crime. People “abiding by the law” would start calling the purist plants, since that is where caffeine is coming from, while the synthetic caffeine users would be called zombies for the obvious face eating reasons. This whole thing would cause even greater divides between already split countries leading to all out war. WWIII plants vs zombies.
SkoobieThis comment was amazing to come across and I look forward to the film adaptation.
Haha thanks. Wrote it drinking my morning cup of coffee.
I did a spit take when I read this
(of my coffee)
Well, pack it in folks, Lemmy has peaked. It’s not getting better than this from here on.
ඞmirThanks, the punchline was worth it.
Have a headache for a few days. And reorganize everything to not start the workday before noon.
Shambling ShapesCaffeine doesn’t require a laboratory or manufacturing operations. It can come from plants. What would happen is people start growing and developing an underground caffeine distribution network and underground caffeine import network from countries that aren’t dumb.
Weed users are less than 20% of the US population and that was a shadow industry bigger than most legal industries. Compare to 60% drink coffee every day, then there’s tea drinkers and of other caffeinated beverages; people would riot and/or go underground to get their caffeine.
Perhaps some people would stop punishing their own bodies for the benefit of their employer.
Ha, I drink way more coffee on the weekends than I do during the work week. It’s definitely a recreational drug for me.
Pollen wrote a audible book about how modern capitalism wouldn’t have been possible without the invention of the light bulb and the abundance of caffeinated beverages as it facilitated a 24 hour economy. Literally titled Caffeine: How Caffeine Created the Modern World.
So what would happen if the government illegalized caffeine? I’d say they’d be more likely to prohibit literally any other drug including alcohol and tobacco.Buti if Ibwere to indulge this hypothetical scenario, I’d say other new stimulants without any legal status would be invented to replace caffeine.
Wow, that weirdly explains why the 40 hour workweek has always made me suffer so much - caffeine doesn’t affect me, so I’ve never gotten an energy boost from it.
ShakeThatYamBingo
I would classify the effects of caffeine as more anti-drowsy than energy-boosting but maybe that is just semantics.
I haven’t had any caffeine in my diet for nearly 2 months now and I feel amazing.
I’m pretty sure you’re right. Without looking it up to correct myself I’m pretty sure caffeine blocks receptors for the tired stuff.
Yes - the tired stuff is a substance called adenosine.
The software industry would stall out, mass unemployment, dramatically more car crashes. Coffee, black and green tea, most soda, and some drugs would disappear from shelves and stores. Coffee shops would all close, you’d be able to get pretty much just water with your big Mac, midol takers would be furious and in pain, ADHD people would have to try harder to fall asleep. For lack of a better term, there would be a rubber band effect apocalypse while the shadow markets got set up and supplies
Does caffeine help individuals with ADHD in sleeping in some way?
For some it helps them fall asleep. I had a friend in HS who would drink a monster before bed. I have a friend who currently only has coffee after 5pm to make sure they don’t fall asleep earlier. It’s anecdotal for sure but it works for them
Personally I would pass away and die.
∟⊔⊤∦∣≶Anyone who comes between me and my tea leaves is a dead man.
Especially on a Monday.
adam_yThe pyramids were built without coffee.
Make of that what you will.
Weren’t they built with slave labor…?