This took me a while to figure out and I'm still not sure how to put it into words, but it's been on my mind a lot the last few years:

"Community" isn't a label you adopt or a party you show up to. It's what you bring to the table.

If you want to feel connected when you walk into the bar, you have to introduce yourself to people and make conversation. If you want to play, you have to approach and ask for what you want. If you want a certain kind of event, you gotta organize, donate, volunteer.