@sysop408

I remember another trans person I know being very upset that a clerk somewhere kept misgendering them, despite otherwise being polite. I asked a few questions about the interaction and learned that the clerk did not speak English well and had a Chinese name.

I don't know the dialect of the clerk, but I did know that Mandarin doesn't distinguish pronouns so shared that as a likely reason: it likely had everything to do with language, not an intent to be rude.

@likelyjanlukas I think people need to not always assume the worst of people when they don't get your pronouns right, forget your name, or pronounce your name wrong over and over again. There are lots of assholes out there, but also lots of people who are (ahem Mastodon) simply just neurodivergent in various ways.

I really hate when people say things like "if you can't get my name right, it's because you didn't care to get it right." That might be true for the person who says that, but so many people have brains that work far differently.

If I get someone's name wrong, the last thing I need is pressure to get it right. That'll actually make it more likely that I say their name wrong or give them an entirely different name altogether.

I've since stopped caring if I get people's names right and consequently, I got better at remembering their names.

I get called Shelton a lot. Used to piss me off. I've since realized after a well loved in-law has gotten my name wrong for 20 years that it's not intentional.

@sysop408

I agree completely. Have I met people who are deliberately and maliciously misgendering me or screwing around with my name for the same? Sure. But pretty rarely, tbh.

Most folks who mess up are not doing so intentionally and have many reasons for doing so: language, ND, etc.

I suspect we trans folk are more sensitive to this as it may signal imminent danger, vs cia folk who might just find it amusing/weird/odd but non-threatening.

@sysop408

And as for names, I remember very few. Always been that way, nothing has really helped solve this other than nametags, which are rare.

This can make it hard to maintain relationships as people are deeply offended when mistakes are made that might be initially shrugged off but later on are taken as deliberate.

For me it is not deliberate. My brain just doesn't hold names well, and to some extent, faces either. ☹️

@sysop408

I don't know if people on Mastodon do this, but the tradition of folks making up joke names on Twitter for Halloween usually means I have no idea who is speaking, especially if they also change their avatars.

Clark Kent's eyeglasses would be an effective disguise for someone like me! 😂

@likelyjanlukas that gets me too, but the worst for me is when people change their avatar.

I'm a bit like that in real life too. I'm not face blind by a longshot, but I do have more difficulty than most recognizing people. I've had people just stare blankly at me after the third time that I've introduced myself to them. They think I'm putting them on because after the last time it happened, we both had a big laugh that I couldn't remember meeting them before.

I also run into difficulty if I meet two people at the same time and I accidentally switch their names. They might as well give me entirely new names next time because Rob will be George, and George will be Rob forever.

@sysop408

Once someone clarifies who they are (either by a nametag or re-introducing themself), I usually remember having met them previously.

In fact, I will often remember in many details of what we last discussed, or that they have a pet, or something else 'personal'.

Alas, this seems to just heighten their frustration over my inability to remember names. ☹️

But what is more important? The name or the person behind it? 🤔

@likelyjanlukas

"But what is more important? The name or the person behind it?"

Can I make a case for email addresses? That would make me look really good. I used to be able to remember just about anyone's email address. I'd forget their damn name, but I'd remember they were [email protected].