Mastodawn

This is an important PSA for folks looking to make any place more inclusive. Do you want to be liked by everyone? Or do you want to make progress?

I don't know anyone that has both been successful in transforming a non-inclusive place, and hasn't been accused of sounding hostile.

It takes a huge amount of energy to dance on eggshells, and I don't have time to do it. So I don't. I'm a big boy. I crack sidewalks when I walk. So eggshells would have no chance anyway. 🤷🏿‍♂️

https://hachyderm.io/@mekkaokereke/110676207295654527

mekka okereke :verified: (@[email protected])

@[email protected] MLK was a much better, kinder, gentler communicator than me, and he was perceived as hostile. Ghandi was a much better, kinder, gentler communicator than me, and he was perceived as hostile. So you can see why I don't even bother with trying too hard to not be perceived as hostile. On this dimension, I do not care about your feelings. I don't even pretend to care. I just go about the work of making spaces that Black people should feel comfortable in, more inclusive.

Hachyderm.io

If you try to say that Mastodon can't afford to be more inclusive, or that it's not important for Mastodon to accommodate all the folk leaving Twitter, I'm going to disagree with that, and point out that those talking points echo unapologetically anti-Black talking points.

If you view this as hostile, I can't help you with that.

Let me be clear on what is going to happen:
* Mastodon is going to become a better place for Black users.
* Mastodon is going to become easier to admin for small orgs

@mekkaokereke good post.

Small suggestion, people who have fled real world conflict zones or environmental disasters, and their supporters, have asked if posters can avoid use of term "refugees" for people leaving Twitter.

Inaya Shujaat عنايه شجاعت 🇳🇿🇵🇸

@mekkaokereke @Kay I get called “hostile” when I ask people to stop calling themselves “Twitter refugees.” I also get told that they’re traumatised by leaving Twitter, much in the same way Syrian children are traumatised when they’re forced to leave their homes. 😑

@InayaShujaat @Kay

With the right perspective, the same exact behavior perceived as hostile by some, is seen as super helpful by others.

I said "Twitter refugees" in the above post. I would have gone on still saying it in future posts, oblivious to the fact that my words are unintentionally hurtful to some of my friends.

Kay let me know that my words might be perceived very differently than I intend.

So I changed the words.

Kay's feedback was very helpful for me. ♥️

@InayaShujaat @Kay

This doesn't mean I always change my words! As I said my goal is not to please everyone all of the time. It's to not be misunderstood, or unintentionally hurtful as I make progress.

Eg some people are upset by the fact that I capitalize the word Black. I sometimes get this feedback. I don't change it. I'm not being misunderstood by capitalizing the word Black.

Some people are upset when I point out systemic racism. I don't stop pointing it out. I'm not being misunderstood.

whetstone Jul 8, 2023

@mekkaokereke @InayaShujaat @Kay I love that framing. Changing is appropriate to fix misunderstandings, but not fundamental disagreement. If you’re true to your own ethics, it is good to be both liked *and disliked* for accurate reasons.

I’m socialized as a white woman, so the “please like me” and “everybody should get along” training is deep and strong. This is such a helpful metric to counteract that.

George Pandzik Jul 8, 2023

@whetstone @mekkaokereke @InayaShujaat @Kay

My mother, a US Naval officer, taught me this quote from Admiral Zumwalt: "I have a long list of friends and a long list of enemies, and I'm proud of both."

That doesn't mean I should make enemies when I don't need to, but if I do, I should be intentional about it.

I also appreciate the framing above, and I appreciate feedback that I can choose to incorporate or not.

Phillip of Mastodon Jul 9, 2023

@whetstone If I knew how to pin someone else’s post to my timeline, I think this would be the one.

Océane ⏚Jul 8, 2023

@mekkaokereke @InayaShujaat @Kay I say “Twitter survivors” when it's appropriate, but indeed, “Twitter refugees” has always bothered me for this very reason.

Rachel Greenham Jul 8, 2023

@oceane @mekkaokereke @InayaShujaat @Kay why isn’t “twitter quitter” a thing already?

Insecurity Princess 🌈💖🔥Jul 8, 2023

@oceane
You didn't survive a genocide. You stopped using a social media site that wasn't providing what you wanted from that social media site.

If you feel that "survived" is an appropriate word to describe your experiences going through the extreme harassment and abuse of Gamergate, then I'd get it. But that was ten years ago.

karenbynight Jul 9, 2023

@oceane @mekkaokereke @InayaShujaat @Kay thanks, as a childhood sexual abuse survivor, this gives me experiential empathy about why “refugee” is problematic. My inner monologue just went “survivor?! did they have uncontrollable panic attacks due to intrusive thoughts about it? Did they require years of therapy in order to be a functional human being afterwards?” and I had to tell it to calm the fuck down and not compare trauma.

Inaya Shujaat عنايه شجاعت 🇳🇿🇵🇸Jul 9, 2023

@mekkaokereke @karenbynight @Kay @oceane This is exactly why words matter. People need to think about the impact it has on those who have actually lived through real trauma. To use words like “refugee” and “survivor,” it DOES diminish the experiences of actual refugees and survivors of trauma.

I doubt anyone suffers from PTSD just because they left Twittter.

Océane ⏚Jul 9, 2023

@InayaShujaat @mekkaokereke @karenbynight @Kay Sorry, I'm not talking about PSTD from leaving Twitter, I have no experience or competence about it 😅 I'm talking about the trauma of having been through a long-running scam, for several years, which feels like abuse, IMHO. I believe that whenever there's abuse we can also see a scam lasting months or years, it's usually tied, directly or not, to money (how many beaten children would leave their parents if it wasn't for the rent and for the food?).

That's at least my experience with the French school system, Twitter, and a domestic abuser, Kevin, who was honestly 80% as harmful to me as Twitter. Talking about auditive hallucinations with Kevin, but not that bad.

Océane ⏚Jul 9, 2023

@InayaShujaat @mekkaokereke @karenbynight @Kay Honestly, given how long Twitter has impacted me (8 years), 60%, and that's purely to sound reasonable. I just repeated for the first time when I've housed Kevin, but I'm not even talking about spending a single white night with him, coping with him because he would prevent me from giving an assignment!

But if we isolated both and compared 3 months with Kevin to 3 months being addicted to Twitter, yeah, 80%.

I'm still not, in any way, talking about the use of the word “refugees” – I'm not competent enough on the topic and I'm not comparing anything to it! But I think considering some collective behaviors on Twitter as how abuse victims are communicating could shed some light on phenomenons that are stigmatized in France and, I guess, in the US too – so-called “cancel culture”, “online hate”, etc. I'm not defending in any way the use of the word “refugees” in the context of people coming on the fedi from any platform.

karenbynight Jul 9, 2023

@oceane @InayaShujaat @mekkaokereke @Kay I think one of the problems here is the implication of collective nouns. In bristling a bit at the term survivor as applied to Twitter, I do not intend to invalidate your experience or question your trauma. It sounds like we would have a lot of commonalities on that front. But I don’t think your experience is necessarily typical of most twitter-leavers, while my experience of trauma has much in common with other survivors of abuse (likely including you).

Inaya Shujaat عنايه شجاعت 🇳🇿🇵🇸Jul 10, 2023

@Kay @karenbynight @mekkaokereke @oceane Sorry. Who’s Kevin?

Océane ⏚Jul 10, 2023

@InayaShujaat @Kay @karenbynight @mekkaokereke Oh, the predator in question.

Fat, Bald Dabus Jul 9, 2023

@oceane @mekkaokereke @InayaShujaat @Kay I mean we can always just go with expats if we’re not into stealing valor

Woozle Hypertwin Jul 8, 2023

@mekkaokereke @InayaShujaat @Kay

As a white person (for whatever that may be worth), I actually kinda like this new custom of capitalizing "Black" because it lets me signal unobtrustively that I'm trying to be inclusive, even if I sometimes mess up.

Relatedly: a right-wing relative recently passed me an editorial from the UK arguing that capitalizing "Black" is doing it wrong, US political issues are being imposed on the rest of the world, yadda yadda... and I'm, like, yeah, I see what you're doing there. Not buying it.

Inaya Shujaat عنايه شجاعت 🇳🇿🇵🇸Jul 8, 2023

@mekkaokereke @Kay I’m seen as hostile because I’m Muslim. I use the exact same words as folks like Kay, but because they’re not Muslim, they’re perceived as being helpful.

I’m sick of the anti-Muslim bias that’s all across the fediverse.

Eric MacKnight Jul 8, 2023

@InayaShujaat @mekkaokereke @Kay Hi, Inaya. I fear that anti-Muslim prejudice is pretty much endemic, certainly in English-speaking countries, certainly throughout Europe, certainly in Russia, in China, India . . . pretty much everywhere! So it would be a surprise not to find it in the "fediverse." It's going to require patient determined effort over several generations to get rid of it, I suspect. Courage!

Lyndee Jul 9, 2023

@InayaShujaat @mekkaokereke @Kay

Sorry that's happening to you.

@InayaShujaat TBH I'm not always seen as "helpful". I've been accused of being passively aggressive, tone policing, and overly sensitive 🙄 Not sure if that's one third of responses as this post suggests ⤵️

At least with the internet we can block or mute and also recognise that some people use social media to vent and forget about politeness and consideration they may use in a real world setting.
https://www.donnfelker.com/the-rule-of-thirds/

The Three Buckets (The Rule of Thirds) - DONN FELKER

Making everyone happy is impossible. Using the Rule of Thirds system you can help eliminate negative cognitive load in under 10 seconds.

DONN FELKER

@InayaShujaat Content on the internet that's motivated by wiping people out of existence is wrong - whether its transphobes wanting to erase trans and nonbinary people or other bigots wanting to eradicate or kill Muslims.

Some troll like behaviour amplifies the hatred but may be motivated by ignorance or boredom. I try to avoid it even while knowing people are vulnerable to acts driven by hateful posts.

Are better laws and enforcement needed?
https://internetnz.nz/news-and-articles/understanding-regulatory-reform/

Safer online services and media platforms — new discussion doc open for consultation

Inaya Shujaat عنايه شجاعت 🇳🇿🇵🇸Jul 9, 2023

@Kay definitely. There also needs to be a greater understanding of the negative impact micro-aggressions have on the intended target. It’s also racism, but onlookers rarely recognise it as such.

@InayaShujaat it's sickening seeing the coalition of hate clustering around Julian Batchelor's Stop Cogovernance tour where his security is now provided by actual Nazis (Kyle Chapman and white supremacist mates) as well as followers of Destiny Church and extreme "Christian" groups. The same faces as at anti-trans rallies. These gatherings bring out into the open the people who mutter under their breath at having to share resources and spaces with anyone who doesn't look or dress like them.

@InayaShujaat Micro-aggressions can grow to become physically violent if they're allowed to blossom. Hate attacka are often prompted by hate speech and hurtful slurs. Pushing back against hateful narratives is one of the reasons people in queer and trans communities and allies feel compelled to hold counter rallies to anti trans events. It takes energy people would rather not expend but pushing back is needed for bystanders

Pushing back against microaggressions is much harder.

BT Writes Code Jul 8, 2023

@InayaShujaat @Kay Thanks for sharing this. ❤️ This is a perspective that never clicked for me before this. I've probably used that term in the past, ignorant to how it downplays what others have gone through.

I've stopped saying "I've got PTSD from <minor inconvenience>" as well after my coworker's husband was diagnosed with it; I realized me using those words in that way minimized the legitimate trauma he was suffering.

PhoenixSerenity Jul 8, 2023

@InayaShujaat @mekkaokereke @Kay I've had a few of the same kind of experiences. Me & my family were war survivors & refugees. I don't enjoy seeing folks using the refugee word, regarding leaving Twitter.