Chewie!!Jul 8, 2023
For a long time, a more naive me believed that I could make closer friends in the fandom by opening myself up through ERP.
I have a social disorder, and therefore, I thought if I offered myself in a new and different way, I would be able to make people finally happy. I was focused on this premise because I lacked or failed at connection though any interaction I tried to create.
This approach was poisonous and I was wrong in so many ways...
1/?
Show threadChewie!!Jul 8, 2023

This approach was poisonous to me for a number of reasons:

1) It created expectations:
- I should mask as a character I am not in real life. People didn't like me, they liked a character, and when they had enough of the character acting, they left.
- I should be open to more than my comfort or own kinkiness, because I needed to provide others with their own comfortability.
- I should do what people want, because if I don't, I will lose them.

2/?

Show threadChewie!!Jul 8, 2023
2) It was not good for someone with a social disorder:
- I masked very heavily as someone I wasn't to make people like me more. An ERP persona that I presume they might like more than myself.
- I really didn't know what I was doing. Reading cues has always been a very difficult thing. I stumbled through ERP, because I stumble through both new and old social contexts.
- I was making relationships that relied or seemed to rely on that ERP element.
3/?
Show threadChewie!!Jul 8, 2023
3) I have trauma and I might have made it worse for myself:
-I grew up in a small town and school, and everything you did, everyone else knew about. To say the least, I'm still in the closet when it comes to my nsfw side because I feel like everyone is watching me and judging everything I do.
- I've had private artwork I've commissioned for myself and for the interests of others leaked or posted without my express consent.
4/?
Show threadChewie!!Jul 8, 2023
4) I'm demi-sexual:
-ERP without friendships is hard. It's really hard to do. When I built up my friendships, I had fun, even if I ignored my kinky comforts. But the first few encounters were brutal
- When I lost those ERP friendships, my stomach felt like broken glass. It hurt even more knowing people only really liked the mask I put on
-My stomach still feels this way everyday. The pain has only increased since. It hurts my day to day functioning
5/?
Show threadChewie!!Jul 8, 2023

I'm not sure where else to go with a messy thread like this. I have a million more things I could say... But I would go on forever.

I'm stepping away from RP and ERP for the foreseeable future. It's for my health and the health of others.

I also hope this helps anyone else who feels like they are in a similar situation to myself.

Keep well everyone 🩹❤️

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@ChewieBoy we may not know each other well but I'm glad that you are taking care of yourself and i am sorry you have went through this. stay safe 🙏
Jul 8, 2023 at 10:56amWeb