I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but here we are.

If you get into a disagreement with someone here or for whatever reason the person you’re messaging with asks you to disengage, just stop. I’ve been around since the dawn of online arguments and I’ve never seen a person realize the error of their ways because someone was trolling and/or being an asshole to them in the replies.

If someone asks you to stop, stop. If they block you, take a cue from Elsa and Let It Go. Don’t find alternate ways to continue engaging. I’m sure it the parting shot feels good, or you think you have the perfect reply to help them see the reality of a situation, but it isn’t so.

Please, just stop and think: AITA in this situation?

That post about disengaging got a LOT of comments. I can’t respond to them all, so doing it here:

There is pretty bright line between holding a politician or other public figure to account for bad policy decisions and harassing someone in the comments section of a website. I don’t know how this can be confusing. I don’t know everything though, so I can’t discount that I’m wrong.

There is a difference between arguing toward a resolution of a disagreement and harassing someone in the comments of a website after they’ve asked for the engagement to stop. The former is how we advance civilization, the latter is YouTube comments. I also feel quite confident that the comments section harassment hasn’t changed someone’s mind to the way of the harasser.

Yes, someone publicly announcing their are blocking you is not the best way to handle things, but that doesn’t make it acceptable to find an alternate means to continue engaging the person, rather it’s a good indication that you really should also block the person and move on with your life.

Yes, I agree that it is ridiculous that some people will post an opinion publicly and then complain that any replies they don’t like are “reply guys”.

Yes, I agree that if someone posts that the sky is blue and you reply that the sky can be gray on cloudy days and a beautiful orange during cloudy sunsets and then immediately reports your post is not appropriate.

It’s really not that hard to be civilized. I do think other social media platforms have primed many people for confrontational engagements.

@jerry may I gently introduce you to Civilized Discourse Construction Kit, Incorporated? https://blog.codinghorror.com/civilized-discourse-construction-kit/
Civilized Discourse Construction Kit

Occasionally, startups will ask me for advice. That’s a shame, because I am a terrible person to ask for advice. The conversation usually goes something like this: We’d love to get your expert advice on our thing. I probably don’t use your thing. Even if I tried

Coding Horror
@codinghorror they are some super insightful comments in that post
@jerry we're really trying. Democracy needs to exist on the web, as well as the real world. We fight for the user.
@codinghorror I am going to have to give Discourse a shot
@jerry don't hesitate to reach out to me directly with any feedback. We listen. Well, to the sane feedback, at least. 😉

@jerry @codinghorror I have been running a Discourse instance since right before Google+ disappeared. The tools for encouraging constructive and civilized construction work. Of course, you have to use them, but they are pretty richly functional. They do help build community, I believe.

I'm really looking forward to the ActivityPub plugin maturing to the point where Discourse integrates thoroughly into the fediverse. It's a great start so far! 🎉

@jerry @codinghorror You don't actually need my advice here, and I doubt you would deploy Discourse the same way I did (I'm using docker, not a k8s cluster) but as a survey of what pieces I put together, a thing I wrote might possibly be helpful. No obligation. But it's the kind of thing I wish existed when I got started. ☺

https://meta.discourse.org/t/mkjs-opinionated-discourse-deployment-configuration/193355?u=mcdanlj

MKJ's Opinionated Discourse Deployment Configuration

I have been running a Discourse forum with a substantial amount of content and plenty of images over the past few years. Maker Forums has over 100GB of images and over 400,000 posts, of which a substantial amount was imported, primarily from Google+, and the rest was created on the site. This post describes elements of how I eventually configured Maker Forums and, later, a few other Discourse instances. This is what I wish I knew when I got started, and which I’ve used to help others avoid some ...

Discourse Meta
@jerry @codinghorror Discourse is truly excellent. It's great/easy to administer, it's well-documented, it looks good out of the box, it has good moderation tools out of the box, and it integrates with other stuff easily. Tags implementation is annoying enough to where I don't let anybody other than me create tags, but that's a small thing. I hate nearly all modern software at least some of the time, but I never hate Discourse.

@jerry @codinghorror I run a handful of Discourse community sites and the default settings are very good out of the box, and even as a self hoster it is very easy to stay up to date.

I think it’s probably the right choice for us to run for our membership and working group at #CoSocialCa

It also has good SSO support which would be lovely if we can make it work for multiple Fedi services.

@codinghorror oh man, you're behind Discourse? That somehow makes a lot of sense.

Used it back in $OLDJOB, wrote a plugin making it possible to authenticate against (and pull in group membership from) an OIDC IdP. Got released as FLOSS eventually, not sure what happened with it since (the repo is now gone).
https://web.archive.org/web/20220422153823/https://github.com/occrp/discourse-oidc-basic

Anyway, blast from the past. Setting up a separate Discourse for a different thing these days.

@jerry

GitHub - occrp/discourse-oidc-basic: A basic OpenID Connect plugin for use with Discourse

A basic OpenID Connect plugin for use with Discourse - GitHub - occrp/discourse-oidc-basic: A basic OpenID Connect plugin for use with Discourse

GitHub
@rysiek @jerry glad to hear it! Feedback from active admins and users is pure gold to us and always highly prioritized, so feel free to stop by https://meta.discourse.org as needed 🙇
Discourse Meta

Learn about and discuss Discourse, the next-generation open-source forum software.

Discourse Meta