Chris NicolaJun 14, 2023
Tim Bray

I entirely loathe headlines that say “What you need to know about X.”

I’ll decide what I need to know, thank you, no matter how ex-fucking-cathedra you think you can make yourself sound. Did you don a mantle and mace and mount a rostrum before writing?

Tell me what *you* know and I’ll take it under advisement, and boost it if I think it's good.

Jun 14, 2023 at 4:18pmWeb
Show threadScannerJun 14, 2023
@timbray Along those lines I hate headlines that are “If you are doing X, you are probably doing it wrong!” .
Show threadChris NicolaJun 14, 2023
@scanner @timbray "if you are starting your posts with 'what you need to know' then you are probably doing it wrong"
Show threadDavid ColburnJun 14, 2023
@chrisnicola @scanner @timbray "Everything you thought you knew about X is wrong." FU headline writer, maybe I know more about X than you. 😂
Show threadChris NicolaJun 14, 2023
@colburn @scanner @timbray jokes on them, I know nothing about X.
Show threadAnselm BühlingJun 14, 2023
@timbray "That's all you ever need to know about X."
Show threadjwzJun 14, 2023
@timbray I find those headlines extremely helpful, because every time I read one, my internal narrator shouts "NOTHING" at me, "YOU NEED TO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS" and I do not click.
Show threadPax Ahimsa GethenJun 14, 2023

@timbray

This, plus the presumptuousness "Here are the Xs you've never heard of"

Show threadKevin Boyd (he/him) 🇨🇦Jun 14, 2023
@timbray "What I Needed To Know About Writing Headlines" might also work
Show threadMatthew ExonJun 14, 2023
@timbray "X: What we know so far" ≡ "you will be better informed if you wait a couple of days and read our grudging retraction instead"
Show threadBill BarolJun 14, 2023
@timbray Can I get in on this? Here's mine: The trope "The Best {noun} You've Never Heard Of" needs to die in a fire.
Show threadzevJun 14, 2023
@timbray Especially considering a lot of the other replies, I think this might be generalizable to "headlines containing second-person pronouns are trash"...I'm having a hard time thinking of any counterexamples, anyway.
Show threadAvi Rappoport (avirr)Jun 14, 2023
@timbray Really the fault of the publication not the author
Show threadMike_VJun 15, 2023

@timbray

FOMO click-bait technique # 1

Show threadJon JenningsJun 15, 2023
@timbray "You won't believe number 37"
Show threadlonkJun 16, 2023
@timbray there should be a Chrome extension that rewrites such titles into "about X".