Mastodawn

Christina Grossack May 10, 2023

I just got out of a meeting with a Real Mathematician™ who's interested in my research?? He's not even in my department!!

We talked about the work I've been doing for like an hour, and he gave me some feedback on a preprint, and then invited me to give a talk on this machinery at his department??

Oh my god I can't believe someone else actually cares about the things I think about, I could cry. The people in my department have all been pretty unenthusiastic about it, so it's awesome to learn that someone else is (almost) as excited as me!

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Christina Grossack May 10, 2023

This has also been great because I've been feeling pretty down about my mathematical abilities lately. Every time I get depressed I start doubting whether I'm cut out for this (which I know is common), and I've been pretty depressed lately. This made me feel a lot better.

Also, to say a word about that, I know that I'm really good at LEARNING math, and that I know a lot of things. I also think that I'm quite good at TEACHING math, which I value really highly. My big insecurity is that I'm not actually that good at DOING math. Research is hard, but the imposter syndrome is really awful when I feel like everyone knows that there's other aspects of math that I ~am~ really good at...

Narfinger May 10, 2023

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Christina Grossack

I wish there were a place in the academy for people who learn hard things and then write better books and give talks and exposit, since I really think that's where my skills naturally lie. I love convincing people that hard math doesn't have to be scary.

Well, once I have tenure maybe I can do a 180 and start writing expository books. Or maybe by then I'll be less insecure about doing research and I won't want to anymore! Who's to say, haha.