Evan Urquhart 🏳️‍⚧️Feb 22, 2023

Generally speaking, I think the conversation about gender affirming care for youth should focus on allowing parents to make the final decision, and on pushing back against bad journalism that leads parents in the wrong direction on the science.

Politically, the GOP has made a big bet on parents rights. So it makes it easier to argue against state bans to use that pre-existing propensity to support parents' deciding for their kids.

But that's not ultimately why I think it's the right approach.

Show threadEvan Urquhart 🏳️‍⚧️Feb 22, 2023

Parents are a... fraught topic for LGBTQ+ people, and all the more so for trans folks. Many in our community have been outright rejected by their families, and those who don't often have difficult reltionships.

So, it's not without real reluctance and strain that I come down on the side of letting parents decide, at least in the absense of abuse.

Show threadEvan Urquhart 🏳️‍⚧️Feb 22, 2023

I've foster parented queer youth. It was a wonderful experience. But what it taught me more than anything is that the system sucks and most kids do better w their families, even when the families are pretty bad.

Kids are dependent on their parents. Practically speaking, even if they're legally able to access care w/o permission, very few will be able to do so safely. It feels like a red herring to put a lot of effort into arguing for something unlikely to work for kids in their real lives.

Show threadEvan Urquhart 🏳️‍⚧️

Studies consistently show that having affirming parents is one of the most powerful protective factors for trans youth. Way too few trans kids have that. THAT is what needs to change to really make a different in kids' lives.

Changing parents hearts and minds may be hard, but it's the only way I can think of to really help the majority of trans youth.

Feb 22, 2023 at 2:44pmWeb
Show threadAlberto CairoFeb 22, 2023
@e_urq Evan, once again thanks so much for your work
Show threadJessica CravenFeb 22, 2023
@e_urq even here in Los Angeles a nurse at our pediatrician’s office told me that most of the parents of non-binary kids don’t support them. “So nice to see your kid so healthy and happy. Most kids like yours have anxiety or depression.” 😭 This is in one of the most progressive areas in the country.
Show threadAnalog AIFeb 22, 2023
@jesscraven101 @e_urq Yup. We live in the San Francisco area, and my son's boyfriend's parents seem to love him, but not really accept him.
Show threadJessica CravenFeb 22, 2023
@Retreival9096 These parents are NUTS.
Show threadAnalog AIFeb 22, 2023
@jesscraven101 They are from a very different culture, so it's hard for me to judge -- and they are starting to change. Many kids loose everything when coming out: at least he still has a home, even if his parents are having a hard time accepting things. I wonder if they look at my son and say, "well they have a boyfriend, maybe they will get over this gender thing." (but using a different pronoun; they have stopped dead naming him, but still don't use the right pronouns.)
Show threadIbiDreamsFeb 22, 2023
@e_urq Catholic and parent of a teen trans boy. He’s been on this journey since 2nd grade when he started questioning the gender binary. Maybe I’m a bad Catholic because I never told him he was wrong to question. I encouraged it. This is my child and this is who he IS. We’re in the process of seeking gender affirming care which is incredibly difficult with long waits for pediatric endocrinologists and we’re in blue city in a blue state. My heart goes out to all who are struggling.
Show threadEvan Urquhart 🏳️‍⚧️Feb 22, 2023

@IbiDreams So many parents are afraid of what others will think or afraid of their kid having to walk a tough road, and it blinds them to just seeing their kid for who they are, and liking them as they are.

Thank you.

Show threadninetek (he/him)Feb 22, 2023
@IbiDreams @e_urq Good for you, being a bad Catholic. Just be there for your kid-- that's the most important thing in the world
Show threadJoshua LetoFeb 22, 2023

@e_urq nothing is more frustrating than a parent that won’t affirm something their child needs support on.

As a parent I fail at plenty of things, but I don’t think I’m right when I fail, I think I need to do better.

Show threadEvan Urquhart 🏳️‍⚧️Feb 22, 2023
@joshualeto Parenting is HARD. Falling short sometimes is inevitable, but when you love your kid as they are, not as an idea of what you think they should be, that goes a long way.