brooklynmarieAnybody else having a real hard time socializing? I don't go to parties or bars nor anything indoors at the moment, because, well, pandemic; I do meet up occasionally with friends outdoors. But it has become horribly painful and awkward. I feel old and weird and like I blurt out stupid shit and hold forth on all the boring stuff that's in my head. I have no idea how much this matches the reality, but it sure makes things painful.
I also quit drinking (temporarily? maybe?) for health reasons and that has just shown me exactly how much I depended on alcohol to drown out the social anxiety I didn't realize I was carrying around for so long. I have no idea what to do about it except retreat back to where I've been, behind a screen. If anybody has been through this and come out the other end, I'd love to hear from you. This is a very uncomfortable and awkward way to live.
Finally, I was 42 when this pandemic began; I'll be 46 this year. I feel like those were important transition years between "I'm still young enough to hang out with the younguns" and "oh holy fuck, society has moved on without me." I think fighting disinfo and all that other shit has added to the general feeling of being at right angles to a lot of the rest of society, except for the few (wonderful) people who are just like me and don't mind my awkwardness.
Anyway, I guess I needed to let it out a bit, just a little Saturday morning emo shitposting before this server goes away, as a treat
AlexAPagliuca@brooklynmarie You’re not at all alone. I identify with all of this. After spending too long staring into the abyss of far right fever swamps, and their recruitment methods, I am pretty on edge constantly in social situations. Like I’m going to end up having to say, “You might just be parroting Fox News, but you also might be a Nazi who’s succeeded in making people want Fox News to parrot you, and I don’t want to care which,” and knowing 90% of the world will not back me up lol
@alexapagliuca OH MY GOD SAME. That's an awful side-effect of all of this. And I deliberately gave myself Twitter brain for years so I could fight those fucking narratives and now I don't know if I can ever fully detoxify.
@brooklynmarie Yeah, I’m 100% with you. I’ve come to the conclusion that I just can’t go anywhere with anyone who is not going to back me up if I say, “I don’t want to talk about this, we need to change the subject.” Anyone who decides to continue after that deserves what they get, however it goes lol