John BullFeb 16, 2023

Just did a fart so loud Microsoft Teams asked if I wanted to unmute.

(This is the kind of quality content y'all come to Mastodon for, I know)

Show threadJohn Bull

This incident has reminded me of a former co-worker who was having his house valued for sale by two estate agents.

After the first one left, he really needed a poo. So as the next wasn't due for an hour, went and did so. A proper "leave it 10mins mate" poo.

Unfortunately the NEXT estate agent turned up early immediately after, to his horror.

First one valued the house at £300k. Second one valued it at £250k

He'd done a shit so bad it knocked £50k value off his house...

Feb 16, 2023 at 1:00pmWeb
Show threadJames Smith 💾Feb 16, 2023
@garius that just makes me think "Your arsehole is essentially a terrorist" and now I have to read https://www.vice.com/da/article/gq8zdb/someone-did-a-shit-so-bad-a-british-airways-flight-had-to-turn-around-and-land-475 again.
Someone Did a Shit So Bad On a British Airways Plane That It Had to Turn Around and Come Back Again

Toilet crime grounds multi-million dollar aircraft.

Show threadBashStKidFeb 16, 2023
@garius
So dump-and-not-pump rather than …
Show threadnarpolepticFeb 16, 2023
@garius is this your way of telling us Napoleon has taken his bindle and moved in with NotMyCat?
Show threadKavey (Kavey Eats)Feb 16, 2023
@garius 😂
Show threadNarrowboat_LunaBettyFeb 16, 2023
@kavey @garius Tim did a poo in a house we were viewing. Agent had buggered off for a smoke. When he went to flush he realised the flush was broken. A few very panicked minutes followed.
Show threadKavey (Kavey Eats)Feb 16, 2023
@Narrowboat_LunaBetty @garius 😂
Show threaddrg40Feb 16, 2023
@garius
If you get colon cancer your tumour tends to bleed into your large intestine. The result is flatulence of international standing. On one occasion I broke wind in a French hypermarket which was an horrific but not mortally wounding experience until some idiot employee decided the place was on fire and bashed the fire alarm, thus shutting off the air conditioning (a really, really bad idea) and calling the fire brigade.
The impact on the day's takings was cataclysmic.