<in Cabinet>
RISHI: Okay gang. Tomorrow, a former Labour MP is likely going to be convicted of serious crimes
ANDERSON: Dey should av 'ung him
RISHI: Yes thank you Lee. Now if-
CRAIG WILLIAMS: Sorry... but should that be 'hanged'?
RISHI: What are you doing?
WILLIAMS: The minutes
/1
RISHI: Anyway. If we could focus on clearing the news cycle so people talk about a bad Labour MP for a bit that would be-
ANDERSON: So you say 'anged for der people?
WILLIAMS: Yes
ANDERSON: And 'ung for der-
RISHI: Look, guys. Please. Can we focus.
/3
ANDERSON: Okay, dey should av 'anged him
WILLIAMS: Oh well done Lee. Much better. I'll write that and-
ANDERSON: Or kicked 'im out of da country. To Rwanda. If 'e was foreign. Was 'e foreign?
WILLIAMS <writing>: 'was he foreign?'
RISHI: Actually Craig can we just not minute Lee?
/4
WILLIAMS: Not minute him?
RISHI: Yes. You know... maybe just not write down stuff he says.
WILLIAMS: About hanging?
ANDERSON: You only need 30p to make dinner
RISHI: About the hanging, yes. Or... well... anything really.
/5
WILLIAMS: I don't think that's how minutes work.
RISHI: What?
WILLIAMS: Well, they're meant to be an accurate representation of meetings. Like what was said. Or who was there.
GOVE: aND wHo hAD bIRThDaY cakE
RISHI: What was that, Michael?
GOVE: nOThINg
/6
RISHI: Look. All I'm saying, is that maybe minutes - work with me here - are about recording the IMPORTANT stuff. Said by important people.
WILLIAMS: He's the Deputy Chair of the Party
ANDERSON: I have a mate who can do der fake election doorsteping
RISHI: Lee, you're not helping
/7
WILLIAMS: So you don't want me to do the minutes?
RISHI: I'm not saying that.
WILLIAMS: Because I'm your PPS. If you take that away from me, it's just... doing the coffee. And giving you daily crypto price updates.
RISHI: No, I'm not saying that. Just don't minute... everything.
/8
RISHI: Maybe just use your discretion.
WILLIAMS: My discretion?
RISHI: Yes
BRAVERMAN: Sorry, just to check, what's 'discretion'?
RISHI: Don't you start
BRAVERMAN: I'm not trying to be difficult, I just don't know what-
RISHI: Look, let's just move on.
/9
RISHI: Okay, cost of living crisis. Updates please from-
ANDERSON: I reckon der nurses are lyin about usin foodbanks
RISHI: Yes Lee, thank you again and- CRAIG!
WILLIAMS:
RISHI: Were you going to write that down?
WILLIAMS:
RISHI:
WILLIAMS: No?
RISHI: Craig, I saw your pen move
/10
RISHI: Your pen moved, Craig.
WILLIAMS: It didn't! I swear!
RISHI: What did we just say about minuting Lee?
WILLIAMS: It was a muscle twitch!
RISHI: Craig...
WILLIAMS: Just an instinctive jerk!
RAAB <waking up>: Huh? What?
GOVE: wE'Re NoT taLKiNG aBoUT yOU dOm
RAAB: Oh, okay.
/11
RISHI: Just. Okay. Just... Lee?
ANDERSON: Yes boss?
RISHI: Don't... say anything until the end of cabinet, okay? Please.
ANDERSON: Nuttin?
RISHI: Nothing.
ANDERSON:
RISHI: Oh, don't give me the big sad eyes. Okay. Just... not opinions. Please.
ANDERSON: Okay boss. You der best.
/12
ISHI: Right. DfT road investment. How are we getting on with-
ANDERSON: I like roads
RISHI:
WILLIAMS:
RISHI: That's it?
ANDERSON: Yes. Dey is good for my mates in the scooter club
RISHI: Okay. Phew
ANDERSON: Dey have 'white pride' t-shirts
WILLIAMS:
RISHI: DO NOT WRITE THAT DOWN
/13
A reminder that if you like script-based political satire about our ridiculous politics, I have a WHOLE BOOK of it about the months leading up to Brexit for you. It has footnotes and everything.
Available in all good bookshops.
And also Amazon.
/14
https://uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-brexit-tapes-john-bull/7241921?ean=9781800182141
ALSO... Just to note I know a fair few people who love a bit of motorcycle and scooter stuff. Some are in clubs. None of them wear White Pride t-shirts.
Just, it seems, some of the ones Lee is documented as hanging around with.
/END
@garius But googling him made me think about the number of politicians, world wide, that is not afraid to show that they are absolute clowns.
If I go back 20 years, I remember a lot of politicians that I disliked for their opinions, but they were still _professional_.
Today, it feels like all the grownups have left the building.
*applauds dig at Amazon wildly*
Sir Humphrey: You choose from a jumble of ill-digested ideas a version which represents the Prime Minister's views as he would, on reflection, have liked them to emerge.
Bernard: But if it's not a true record...
Sir Humphrey: The purpose of minutes is not to record events, it is to protect people. You do not take notes if the Prime Minister says something he did not mean to say, particularly if it contradicts something he has said publicly.
John Bull
Göran Roseen
Mark Dennehy
PJ "Vote Green" Coffey
alanpaxton
Geoff Winkless