Mastodawn

Scott Barolo Nov 21, 2022

#9ReplyGuys: a 2018 twitter thread by me and @shrewshrew

Reply Guy #2: THE TONE POLICE

Scott Barolo Nov 21, 2022

#9ReplyGuys: a 2018 twitter thread by me and @shrewshrew

Reply Guy #3: THE GASLIGHTER

#9ReplyGuys: a 2018 🐤 thread by @shrewshrew and me

Reply Guy #4: THE COOKIE MANSTER

If you mention #9ReplyGuys elsewhere please cite @shrewshrew, my 50/50 writing partner on this project (which probably means she did way more than half and I didn’t notice)

#9ReplyGuys: a 2018 🐤 thread by @shrewshrew and me

Reply Guy #5: HIMPATHY
(term coined by Kate Manne)

#9ReplyGuys: a 2018 🐤 thread by @shrewshrew and me

Reply Guy #6: THE SEA LION 🦭
aka Just Asking Questions (JAQass)

The term #sealioning was inspired by a 2014 Wondermark comic: wondermark.com/1k62/

More about #sealioning: here’s that Wondermark comic by David Malki
wondermark.com/1k62/

Scott Barolo Nov 23, 2022

#9ReplyGuys: a 2018 🐤 thread by @shrewshrew and me

Reply Guy #7: THE MANSPLAINER
(no shortage of these on Mastodon)

Scott Barolo Nov 23, 2022

I will post #9ReplyGuys #8 and #9 soon!
In the meantime here’s one of the great moments in the history of #mansplaining: a man mansplains mansplaining on Twitter.
(The original flowchart he’s trying to refute is by Kim Gordon.)

Scott Barolo Nov 23, 2022

#9ReplyGuys: a 2018 🐤 thread by @shrewshrew and me

Reply Guy #8: THE PRESTIGE

Scott Barolo Nov 24, 2022

#9ReplyGuys: a 2018 🐤 thread by @shrewshrew and me

Reply Guy #9: TROLLS, CREEPS and FOOLS

Scott Barolo Nov 24, 2022

The idea behind #9ReplyGuys is that, if you wish, you can use the 9 images in the thread above to quickly categorize & dismiss sexist replies. Misogynists *hate* being called unoriginal.
Thanks from me and @shrewshrew for your support, suggestions, boosts and encouragement 💕

Scott Barolo Nov 24, 2022

[note: if you want to see more details about each of these guys, with a graphic showing examples of each type of response, scroll up in the thread! 👆]

Scott Barolo Dec 13, 2022

Honestly a lot of the people on here need to learn basic reply etiquette. Mastodon is becoming known as the home of the smug mansplaining tone-policing reply.

A lot of white people feel way too comfortable here and post our unexamined unfiltered reactions without considering how annoying and exclusionary we’re being.

If you’re typing something “helpful” and the person you’re replying to didn’t ask for help or doesn’t follow you, the most helpful thing you can do is hit Cancel and move on.

Chema Hernández Gil Dec 13, 2022

@sbarolo That's interesting. Definitely very different from how I do it. I think that as long as I'm being respectful, it's perfectly fine to chime in on somebody's post, regardless of follow relationship. I see interesting posts all days and sometimes it's exciting to interact with strangers in a more meaningful manner. Otherwise we're limited to boost and like.

Scott Barolo Dec 14, 2022

@chema every time I say “don’t be annoying” some guy responds “well then I can’t say anything at all”. If you say so!

Yeah, I get those once in a while. Annoying fucks.

Robin Shipton

@chema I can’t tell if you’re accepting the fair criticism in a self-mocking way, or if being called out for stating an overused false dilemma just went over your head.

If the first, that joke is too Poe’s law to work online!

@robinshipton I was unaware I was being criticized. I read my original comment, saw it wasn't clear what I was commenting on, so I clarified it. So not sure which of those two options I fall under.

@chema I think you might have misunderstood the first post, so your reply then built-in that misunderstanding.

It’s not saying “don’t post”, and it’s not only about white people. It’s also about men replying to women, or any other person with a privilege replying to someone without that same axis of privilege.

The post is saying that it’s not enough to feel we are being respectful. We also need to consider whether our post might use or reinforce that privilege differential.

@chema Scott says it well here to another poster who misunderstood: https://zirk.us/@sbarolo/109513038997371166

Scott Barolo (@[email protected])

@[email protected] and I’m not saying don’t interact with people who don’t follow you. I’m saying it’s rude to give unsolicited advice to strangers. If you’re mutuals with someone, you might take more liberties, since you have both expressed an interest in each other’s opinions. I can’t believe this needs to be explained

zirkus

Thank you for sharing that. And as I said in another post, I get why he is saying that and that is one very valid way of approaching interactions here.

I, personally, have no issue with strangers giving me unsolicited advice when done respectfully because I've learned a lot from unsolicited advice. I have a long track record of being wrong and being unaware I am wrong and getting constructive feedback has helped me realize I am wrong and that's cool.

That said, it is clear that many people view this space in a different way, so I will certainly avoid chiming in on conversations.

@chema That sounds like a very humble perspective that I can admire.

I think avoiding chiming in on discussions entirely is going overboard though. The nuance is to avoid unsolicited advice specifically. Unsolicited discussions which avoid that microagression and others can be delightful and good for everyone involved!

I think the medium is the challenge here. Nuance in 800 characters is not straightforward and even following threads can be challenging since we use different interfaces. Based on the popularity of this entire thread, there are many legitimate grievances by many people who've been microaggressed (or just straight up aggressed).

I want to be respectful in my interactions, and that means being diligent. If I cannot be reasonably assured that my comment will not be a negative interaction (like in this very conversation), then I am going to avoid chiming in. But that also takes time and effort, which I might not have or be willing to expend, so I think it is better to err on the side of caution.

As for my own posts, folks are always welcome to chime in with advice, unsolicited or otherwise.

@chema Nuance is definitely a major challenge.

OkazuYuri Aug 21, 2023

@chema @robinshipton No problem with unsolicited advice? Okay then - if you read a post that is a general comment on "some guys' behavior" and you take it personally, you are admitting that you are that guy.

Time to read the last line, stop talking and do more listening.

Hope that helps.

That’s correct. My original post was directly replying to this part (my emphasis):

A lot of white people feel way too comfortable here and post our unexamined unfiltered reactions without considering how annoying and exclusionary we’re being.

If you’re typing something “helpful” and the person you’re replying to didn’t ask for help or doesn’t follow you, the most helpful thing you can do is hit Cancel and move on.

The entire thread was broader and that context changed it, but I still felt my comment was relevant enough.