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Now you have me wanting to reread 'Bored of the Rings', by Beard and Kenney from the Harvard Lampoon.

"This ring, no other, is made by the Elves
Who'd pawn their own mother to get it themselves.
Ruler of creeper, mortal and scallop,
This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
If broken or busted it cannot be remade.
If found, send to Sorhed. (The postage is prepaid.)"