True story:
When my wife and I went on our first date many moons ago I did something that was a near show-stopper. As we were getting ready I had to fart like a mofo and started sweating because I didn't want to do it in front of her, but we weren't leaving fast enough. Knowing old European doors (this is in Berlin, Germany), I figured I could time my fart at the same time the door was opening in the hopes that the squeak from the door would mask my fart. So she opened the door and I let out a squeak only to find out the door was well-oiled. We looked at each other in horror; I told her I thought the door would squeak and that was my out. Stunned, yet she still went with it.

Fast forward to now. She's on the phone talking to a vendor. I'm massaging her as she sits in a chair; I'm standing. My youngest is sitting behind me playing with her dinosaurs. While she was saying goodbye and just before she hung up, I suddenly without warning let one rip and it was loud; my wife turned around to look at me and my daughter said, "EWWWW!!!" We looked at each other in horror.

Laughing, she finally says, "Why tf did I marry you?!"