I never imagined anyone would think I was worth listening to (consequently, I have made sure I am not), let alone write for outlets. The opportunities - even the encouragement - is a huge novelty and something only such a platform could give me

I can't emphasise enough how much it means to me to be encouraged and invited to do things I didn't even think I was capable of, that I would never have even tried. So yes, BIPOC gain so much from Twitter in a world where we are expected to put our heads down and just work

Sure, I've learned, as a consequence, just how entrenched racism is, and most bitterly, that talent and ability do not dictate success, that most "friendships" are not worthy of the name. Worst of all, realising that for many, many perfectly nice white people, white supremacy is so ingrained they don't even realise they are doing it. But having it in sharp relief also meant being able to cope better

I feel very much at sea at the moment, and clinging to the vague hope that I have some talent and capability occasionally revives me and keeps me going - just. And having had those opportunities as evidence that heck, maybe I am not a total failure.

this isn't meant to be a pity party, sorry. I think I'm more depressed than I realised since I'm three months out without a job, and trying to face the reality that at my age, my gender and my race, getting a job, or a second or third chance, is non-existent and I have to recalibrate my whole life.

@mikamckinnon Thank you so much Mika, I may take you up on that. To start with, I think you should read my writing first lol to see if I'm not a lost cause