Mary StarbuckOct 1, 2022
1 October
I'm going to attempt some crafting. Finally made enough space in all the clutter in my head so that it doesn't feel as impossible as it did for the last few weeks. Took me all day to get to this point.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 2, 2022
2 October
Finished making a birthday card today. Ran up against a couple of challenges and I'm pleased I tackled them. Feeling my new normal is about either coping or not instead of being actually ok.
Show threadMary Starbuck
3 & 4 October
Missed my update yesterday. Conflicts where good things were also challenging.
A long phone call was welcome but left me feeling like I wasn't connecting fully. It interrupted the start of a craft project. A piece of tech kit to assist with caring is taking quite a bit of effort from me. I get the feeling the provider sees it as a gloriously generous success, yet I'm left with more to do just so I can use it.
Oct 4, 2022 at 10:11amWeb
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 5, 2022
5 October
So tired. Starting to seem ridiculous of me to think I have anything worth sharing other than the same old not coping, exhausted and hopeless I come out with day after day.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 6, 2022
6 October
Today has been a bit different. Not sure yet if that is good. I met with someone I hope might be supporting me. After that I managed a little crafting just to please myself which is a refreshing change. I couldn't exactly explain what I was doing in a way that makes sense, but it seems I was being mindful whilst sorting through some of the collected materials that needed putting in order.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 7, 2022
7 October
Had a phone call from a consultant today. It was no worse than I expected, but it has reminded me of all the reasons I dread talking to doctors.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 9, 2022
9 October
Socialising yesterday. Emotionally complicated. I couldn't really think about anything else. Still chasing my tail. I haven't even got dressed today.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 10, 2022
10 October
Diary fail. Forgot 2 appointments this morning. Had a lucky escape from consequences. I know I was extra foggy yesterday after socialising, but I didn't mean to blank out checking my calendar. My subconscious obviously had other plans. Let's hope I do better in the next fortnight when I have a short trip away. It would have seemed easy to manage a few years ago, but now I dread having to prepare.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 11, 2022
11 October
We managed a lovely walk today by the river. Heard about mast year so went to survey the acorn crop. Noticed the sloes are very big and brightly coloured too. It was beautifully warm and sunny. Not sure why my brain has allowed me to enjoy things today, but it's been so good. Also thinking positively about my latest craft project. After a very long delay, I've done some tidying of my clothes and shoes.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 12, 2022
12 October
Made some good progress with my tidying and organising today. Such a relief to tackle challenges that were overwhelming before without hating myself for having taken so long. A bit alarmed that my to do lists have stalled though.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 13, 2022
13 October
"Interesting" start with being woken up early by mistake but saw the funny side. Good phone call with the OT. Feels helpful. Found a little time for some crafting.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 14, 2022
14 October
Brainfoggy day. Couldn't get my head round getting to an appointment. Just made it (with help). Spoke to a lovely person who I think can offer some valuable support.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 15, 2022
15 October
Doing a quick update but I'm struggling to find stuff to comment on. Been rushing around so much to get laundry done and hung up, then in out of the rain (twice) that I've used too many spoons.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 16, 2022
16 October
Been trying to get ready for a trip I've got coming up. I'm very anxious about it which is taking a lot of energy, but also annoyed with myself because it should be something to look forward to.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 17, 2022
17 October
I've noticed this morning that with trying to get ready for going away, I've not kept up with checking my emails for a few days. Very uneasy that doing fun things means that I can't manage everyday essentials. I've been making an effort to focus on physical tidying more in the last few months, but it seems I've just used up the spoons I needed for my admin which is now neglected.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 18, 2022
18 October
I'm noticeably less able to cope with pressure today. Maybe the combination of a dental check up, preparing for a big social commitment and being forced to take care of issues that I am way out of my depth with.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 19, 2022
19 October
Still feeling the strain from yesterday but as if I've not slept. Call from GP surgery re prescription of Complan for the person I care for. NHS now encouraging self funding of such items available without prescription. I would rather they just say it's not going to be prescribed anymore than go through the offensive pretence of asking for the person's weight as some kind of means test. What does that prove?....
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 19, 2022
...I hate it when people can't just say they don't know the answer. In our case it's for hydration not nutrition, so asking for a weight makes me very anxious because this person had no clue why it's a problem. Availability over the counter doesn't give the same assurances as with prescribed items, never mind whether the cost and accessibility are manageable.
I just can't cope with the NHS
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 21, 2022
21 October
Missed yesterday with too much to think about. With a lot of effort and support I am out of the house and on a train. Hope to have some nice pictures to share soon.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 22, 2022
22 October
An extra challenge has made things a bit unmanageable for me today. Working really hard to keep up.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 24, 2022
24 October
Still trying to keep up with reading as much here as I can, but not able to interact other than a few likes. Will do a proper update soon.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 25, 2022
25 October
Having a bad time. Got home from a weekend break last night. Going away is getting harder for me. There were some really wonderful moments but I can't pretend that my difficulties are not a problem.
Show threadMary StarbuckOct 26, 2022
26 October
Had an appointment with someone who seems understanding and authentic. Then had to have a sleep. Turned off my phone and bleeper, which is something I really struggle with. Still feel like I'm almost asleep.
Catching up with Doctor Who.